Hey Konfuseed. I am responding to you from my thread in your thread (lol).
First I just want to point out a few things... while the length of our marriages and so on are similar & the fact that W left you because you 'ignore her' & 'don't make time' for her, it's very important I point something else out: Since moving out, I have never once told my H I want a D. Not once. I left in a very huge rage & what felt like defeat after being depressed and anxious for a long time. I'd also been telling him for approx 8 months to do MC with me & that his behavior was seriously affecting me adversely--nothing changed--I left. H is the one who filed for everything & as of 2 months ago dismissed it, though apparently his L didn't file the correct way so the case is still active...
So with that said--
As for your W, TELL HER TODAY that you do not want a D but understand you cannot stop her if that's what she wants. Make it very clear that it's not YOUR choice to D. She seems to want out and tells you she wants out yet she's hanging with you and spending your birthday with you. Sounds like to me that she's either: A. Not totally sold on the idea of D or B. Just going through the motions with you (sorry to be so blunt).
My personal advice for you is: TELL HER you will work on what needs to be changed. ASK her what you can improve on. ASK her what things you can do to help the M from HER point of view. And then make the effort. SHOW her you are willing. Actions & words both.
If she won't budge, then no dice because at least you are TRYING. If she wants to throw it all away without trying then that's her problem, not yours. Don't go down without a fight, man.
And FYI: This is my #1 biggest fear and I find myself saying this all the time:
Originally Posted By: konfuseeed
Its like they almost want to get back but don't know how and are afraid that they will be back at that unhappy place that made them want to leave.
I hear ya dude... My wife even made a comment a few weeks back about being "terrified of coming back and being unhappy again".
And that is why you must show her things have changed/are changing/will change/yuo are willing to change what thing ran her out of the door. It's imperative.
