This is all standard stuff, most of us have had our WS's in affairs who claimed they found their soul mates, etc.
I don't even think this is what he thinks, I think his emotions are a huge mess right now and when he has to TALK, he can only come up with catchphrases and outbursts to protect himself. I know its quibbling, but I wouldn't even call what he's doing "thinking"
Anyhow. You need intel. I would ask puppy about how to get a phone with GPS in his car.
Consequences?
1. Additional exposure 2. Intervention with kids present (the first one didn't help apparently)
That's a start, but you need to have something to use here. You need to stop saying "I can't control him" too. You can't control him outright now, but you CAN influence his choices with pressures from your end. OW is influencing his choices when she calls him. HE chooses to go, but if she didn't call, he woudln't go right?
Control, no, influence, YES.
Consequences ARE your influences here, but you need more INTEL before you confront him about this.
Alternatively...
You COULD just bluff him.
You COULD just say "I know" and act as if you know he's cheating again. Do NOT ARGUE about it though, you would just tell him you know what he's been doing and that's it. He may try to say "prove it" or whatever. Just don't cater to that. This IS a bluff, but if you are confident enough he may just break down and admit it... its a poker game for sure.
I did that with my wife a few times. I had no proof at all that she had fallen off the wagon, but I just told her i did. She demanded proof I told her
"I am not going to play that game, we both know what you're doing... I am NOT stupid... I KNOW how to find out what you've been doing"
she just finally said
"OK FINE, so what! I am in love... " etc etc
But the confrontation I did was purely a bluff, i had no idea at the time.
You COULD try that, but I would favour actual INTEL. your INTEL are your good poker cards here.
When you finally confront him, have some consequences, those are your tools for negotiation. If you have no consequences for him, you have nothing to bargain with and you have no reason to confront him.
If you won't accept an open marriage, you need to have a response if he PUSHES your marriage in this direction.. whatever response that may be... it needs to be hard enough that he will will pay some attention. The FIRST confrontation clearly wans't enough...
I say get your kids involved and confront him as a whole family. But its best to make sure you know he is with her again for certain.
Note, backtracking is standard fare with infidelity... my wife fell off the wagon over half a dozen times before she finally ended it completely.
