The countdown continues

[Gardener]

Awoken, I answered your post on my thread, but thought I'd drag them both over here, too.

Like Gypsy and many of you, I enjoy writing. And on mornings like this morning, I do so so descriptively that I imagine some of you are thinking, "Uh oh. Gardener's losing it."

Your words are like a garden too. You are so descriptive. I find myself struggling to get the words out, and to say what I feel, what is on my mind. There is solace for me in reading what you (and serenity) say, as you often articulate the very things I wish I could say, framing it from my mind for me. Yes, it's painful to read. I suppose I get to a similar place on the piano, but the specificity of actual words do make a difference. I'm trying to say thanks!Anyway, Been thinking about you, and I hope you are well.

Thank you, Awoken. I am well (in fact you and Renee Marie are singing to me right now. I forget the title, but it's that husband's-gone-stranger-has-erotic-D/S- encounter-with-wife- song!)
I'll have to play that one to the next companion/lover who comes into my life
Thank you for the kind words on my journaling/venting posts. Like I said, when I get very descriptive and candid, I feel I run the risk of being seen as "Gardener's backsliding big-time out of detachment again," when all I'm really doing is giving voice to those fewer and farther-apart bereft feelings of (still) very real loss.
I mourn. I grieve. Still. This is not to me a sign of weakness or a symptom of not healing or moving forward or (that absolutely dreadful phrase) not "getting on with my life."
It is part of my process. And Saturday I was consumed by a starkly alone garden-walk that underscored all that I've needlessly, selfishly lost.
I write such things for my emotional and spiritual healing and health. Not to demonstrate that I'm not yet healthy or healing.
Sorry, Awoken. I'm getting a bit strident, but not at you. You understand.
I'm glad the "specificity of the actual words do make a difference," for you.
This is similar to the way your music on your cd makes me forget the actual words and just feel and be taken away to a different place for a while. So, I thank you, too.
I read your sitch and think about you often, too. And despite the pain I write about and the pain I read from you, we will be fine. In time. No doubt.

Take care.