Soaring Solo 2010

[Gardener]

Thank you, Awoken. I am well (in fact you and Renee Marie are singing to me right now. I forget the title, but it's that husband's-gone-stranger-has-erotic-D/S- encounter-with-wife- song!) I'll have to play that one to the next companion/lover who comes into my life

Thank you for the kind words on my journaling/venting posts. Like I said, when I get very descriptive and candid, I feel I run the risk of being seen as "Gardener's backsliding big-time out of detachment again," when all I'm really doing is giving voice to those fewer and farther-apart bereft feelings of (still) very real loss.

I mourn. I grieve. Still.
This is not to me a sign of weakness or a symptom of not healing or moving forward or (that absolutely dreadful phrase) not "getting on with my life."

It is part of my process. And Saturday I was consumed by a starkly alone garden-walk that underscored all that I've needlessly, selfishly lost.

I write such things for my emotional and spiritual healing and health. Not to demonstrate that I'm not yet healthy or healing.

Sorry, Awoken. I'm getting a bit strident, but not at you. You understand.

I'm glad the "specificity of the actual words do make a difference," for you.

Similar to the way your music on your cd makes me forget the actual words for a while and just feel and be taken away to a different place. So, I thank you, too.

I read your sitch and think about you often, too. And despite;the pain I write and the pain I read from you, we will be fine. In time. No doubt.

Take care.