W still wants separation, need to DB more

[DaddyLongShanks]

I made the assumption based on our past. We were always a very intimate couple so the "Physical touch" was always there. We did EVERYTHING together and I mean EVERYTHING (as mentioned in previous post) so "Quality Time" not an issue. My W told me that my "Acts of service" made no difference to her, but that was back when she was more bitter toward me. My W appreciated but told me she did not like "receiving gifts" that she was "not that type of girl" which I always knew.

For me, when I sat down and thought about it, I am a "Words of Affirmation" person. I like hearing how much she loved me and cared for me. This is also a department I lacked in...Even when I would give such words of affirmation I would say something contradicting in the next sentence.

Things have been going OK today so far. My W did lie to me but it was such a little thing I chose not to even bring it up, it really had no significance so why bother. She said I was acting weird today and she has checked my phone more than once today. She also encouraged me to call her father and invite him to a show on Sat. which her father could not make unfortunately.

I had the opportunity to compliment her as well. She has been wanting to get her teeth whitened for years now but I always told her it would be a waste of money because she already had a great smile. Today she went for a consultation. They told her she had white teeth as it is. When she told me what the Dr. had said I then said in response "She is right, you have beautiful smile."

We'll see how the rest of today goes. It is tough not t apologize to her but I will do my best to tone it down. I use to have such a short fuse toward is all...

I know how you feel. you want to get back to that physical and presense affirmation. Sounds like she is asserting her independance somewhat, but slowly opening up. You did really good considering the circumstances. That physical and presense affirmation is like fuel for the soul. Thanks for the feedback on your sitch and hope you get what you want.

[OfficerInNeed]

Thank you for the encouragement. We have a LONG way to go. I hope and pray one day I will get the chance to post in the piecing back together forum and ultimately make a post in the another divorce busted forum.

I failed to mention in my last post. When I returned home this afternoon from my physical training session my W had cleaned and vacuumed our living room. I told her "The living room looks great, nice and clean."

[TrentC]

This all sounds like great stuff, Officer.

[OfficerInNeed]

Well it's baby steps yes but my W is still very cold toward me. Not the person I knew for 10 years, sometimes it is tough to look past. I try to keep my own emotions in check and detach.

[MrBond]

That's why in DB it says that patience is key. It does take a long time sometimes. We can't let it go according to our timetable. It's up to the WAS's timetable.

[TrentC]

Well it's baby steps yes but my W is still very cold toward me. Not the person I knew for 10 years, sometimes it is tough to look past. I try to keep my own emotions in check and detach.

But to be fair, it's only been the last day or two that you have started to modify your approach.

People have likened it to trying to catch a squirrel; if you chase it, it will run away. If you sit there and are calm, its curiosity will lead it to you.

[OfficerInNeed]

True, since Monday with the new approach but not too much of a difference from the way I was approaching. I now just don't react when my feelings get hurt, I keep it contained sort of speak.

I admit...maybe I am wanting to do too much for her that I might be smothering her or in other words could be considered pursuit.

As for how the rest of today went...My W and I were laying in the same bed watching some TV and we both dozed off. I said to her "It is a beautiful day out" she said "It is" then I made the comment "and in here" not sure if she picked up on that...We decided to go for a drive....which lead us to an auto dealership. I wanted to take a look at the new 2010 camaro. We took turns getting the driver set of the vehicle and said the following..."This car is nice, there is only one thing that can make it that much better" she said "what?" I replied "You in the passenger seat" her reaction was an weird looking facial expression. I need to back off, sometimes I get caught in the moment.

When we got back in our vehicle she asked if I wanted to go get ice cream and so we did. We watched some TV together on the same couch and she feel to sleep.

I need to lay off and not pressure her. She is NOT the same girl I remember over the past 10 years.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Sometimes we have to make them our princesses/queens - without destroying ourself.

[MrBond]

"I said to her "It is a beautiful day out" she said "It is" then I made the comment "and in here" not sure if she picked up on that...We decided to go for a drive....which lead us to an auto dealership. I wanted to take a look at the new 2010 camaro. We took turns getting the driver set of the vehicle and said the following..."This car is nice, there is only one thing that can make it that much better" she said "what?" I replied "You in the passenger seat" her reaction was an weird looking facial expression. I need to back off, sometimes I get caught in the moment."

Here is a perfect example of overdoing it. When you over do it, she's not going to take you seriously. She was probably rolling her eyes. Compliment here and there.

[TrentC]

Here is a perfect example of overdoing it. When you over do it, she's not going to take you seriously. She was probably rolling her eyes. Compliment here and there.

Bond beat me to it.