LM didn't damage anything for me; if anything, it helped me feel and better identify some issues in the marriage. I could see how it would be a problem if you made it happen or took the chance when she was depressed/drunk/etc.
You have to feel your way around. What has worked for some may not work for you. Reading the books is a great place to start~
If backing off means giving her some space, that is great. If it means backing off the good things, maybe reconsider. One thing your W will be wanting to see is if the changing you is really you or just a facade because of fear.
