I know your mind and heart will pull you in the other direction. It's counter-intuitive what I'm telling you. You're letting her have the control. She's basically saying - if you continue to behave like this, I might trust you. I might want to work on us. But as long as you keep behaving the way I want you to behave. Guess what? That hoop you are jumping through will move. When you jump through one hoop, there will be another. Then another, and another, etc... trust me, I've been there. Screw the hoops. Do what's right for you. Don't wait for crumbs or handouts. You're worth more than that. You're in placate mode. I can see it by what you write.
You'll see yourself walking on eggshells...measuring everything you say and do - wondering what effect it will have on her. It's thin ice.
There's a fine line you have to walk. Almost like a razor's edge. You'll only know it when you fall off.
She needs to see you moving forward - not necessarily moving on, but moving forward.
When you compliment her, there is a needy flavor that comes with it. When you are detached, it will be matter of fact - as if you're saying it to a co-worker. That's what you're shooting for.
She can't chase something that isn't moving away. DO NOT CHASE HER. No matter what things seem to be...DO NOT PURSUE. If she turns to you, you may have to push away a little. She will test you. Do not let her walk on you. If she loses respect (she has lost some already..no idea how much) for you, they leave.
If you won't respect yourself by drawing boundaries across inappropriate behavior then she won't respect you. Think about this deeply.
I am not a big fan of laying down and letting them do their thing and accepting everything without boundaries.
Read Steady's post over & over again, there's gold in that post, it's as good as anything I've read on these forums.
