Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[james217]

Stay quiet.
You are afraid. That a huge part of the problem.

yes i am. i'm terrified. i don't want to lose my family. I don't want to lose my wife.

James,

I know what this feels like. It's scary, and it hurts.

But as a believer, one brother to another, I would say to you that do you really think that you can care for her better than God Himself?

That is folly, and hubris, and arrogant.

Give her over to God, and go dark and work on James. Let the Holy Spirit work on her heart, and pray for her every day.

He won't let you down.

Puppy

Nope I don't think I can love her better than god can but she told me that she don't feel like she's worthy of God's love or that he loves her either.

I thought that if I showed her unconditional love even through all of everything she'd understand what love is.

I guess not

This is a true story.

On s3's last bday, his biomom pretty much dumped him on us. We simply came by to bring him his gifts. She told us to take him. She didn't make him a cake or anything. He was very upst and crying and WAW picked him up into her arms and told him it would be ok. We took him to chuckie cheese. We bought him more toys and candy. We had him for a month and him and waw were unseperable. His mother did not call him more than twice the entire time. He was always with waw. He called her mama and everything. He misses her so much. I let him down.

s10 feels the same way about waw. He is upset because she's not here. His mother left him for about 4 years and moved away to be with a woman. He and waw would play games and wrestle and both the boys adore her.

She told me she's not their "real mama" and they would get over it. But their real mothers don't even care about them. *sighs*

sd8 is mad at me too. Because i 'm the one who took her in the cps facility and promised we would be back for in 72 hours after the cps evaluation of why she was acting out sexually was up. . WAW did not listen and signed state documents then signed over her parental rights to paternal grandmother. SD8 cannot even say my freaking name. That's how hurt and upset she is at me. CPs was all oer me. But I did every service they asked. Parenting classes, IC, drug assessment, pscy and neurological exams. We were supposed to do couples counseling and then counseling with sd8 but that never happened. waw just signed the rights away saying paternal grandmotehr can do this and that and how she is such a bad mother.

whenever I felt like giving up. waw would tell me that she and the kids needed me. to never give up. to never quit. To keep fighting. So what am I fighting for now? She told me we would prove everyone wrong. That we could overcome our disabilities and show everyone we could be a happy family and take care of our 3 children.

so what do I do now? what am I fighting for man? I miss my wife and babies.

I don't talk about the kids that much at all because I honestly cannot deal with it. It makes me cry.

I have not seen s3 since august. I have seen s10 3 times since last may. I have not seen sd8 even longer than s10. so what do I do now? All I have is pictures.

I'm all alone. My parents don't understand. Alot of friends have just totally turned their backs on me now that I'm down and out.

I tried to trust WAW because i was hitting a depression and trying to figure out why I was also so moody and sick and found out a little bit with the diabetes.

tommorrow I find out if and when I will have surgery. I still havent heard back from this job.

I'm tired MAN. I feel like an awful father and husband. I tried to show waw how sorry I was on our 3 dates. Also how I had forgiven. Now she's not even talking anymore. Even with my darkness she's so distant after that passionate night together into the early morning hours?

I don't know what to do. I'll just keep going to therapy and IC and doctors and try to work and go to school while I feel empty hollow and like a zombie on the inside

how could that night mean nothing to her. I mean she told me she felt closer to me. She felt we were more in tune with each other than ever before. How she enjoyed our 3 dates and our time together. How she missed and loved me when I left her she kissed me so passionately it's not even funny.

Now i don't exist?