"how could you have made love to her, promised eternal love while still sleeping in our bed, hurt our kids so bad, broke the continuity of our common life, disrespected our home, etc etc and now you are back, and all of that was...? What? A break? A mistake? And what do I do with the non existing trust? The memories, the flashbacks..."
It is interesting to me the order the complaints come out. If you look at them in the order they happen it show you something I think.
#1.. Slept with her. This is likely the "big" issue with you. He has now generated a tremendous "emotional" response in you. This is what he is "fighting" to break thru.
#2.. The promise of eternal love. Again.. an "emotional" issue. It "stirs" you.
#3.. The kids. We all know that mothers have an "emotional" tie to their kids.
#4.. Broke the continuity of our common life. Now.. we are getting into something. Here is where he broke the trust. If we go with the thought that 1 person can change the dynamic's of the relationship... what made him "do" 1-3? If you take away or withhold something from someone long enough.. they become desperate to find it. Is this the case "here"?
#5.. disrespected our home! This is key. He made you look bad. Made the family look bad. To me.. this is what you need to "encourage" him to fix. This.. will be hard! You are gonna have to think about it alot!! I "see" you doing it with the job situation. This little SIL/BIL thing has me a bit concerned. Lots of "emotion" from both sides!!
"I will know I am over the biggest part of this, when I will catch myself dreaming of the future. I test myself at times. Things feel so fragile I cant."
Stop doing this. Stop using it as a litmus test.
The 2 issues that are "here" right now are the job.. and the SIL/BIL. Most Likely.. SIL is taking front row over the job. this is why I like your approach to the job thing. You are building "something" there. The thing for you to watch is the SIL/BIL. Just watch it.
"He says, he will go ahead and do something about his work after the world cup."
Asking for time.. focused on "something" else.
"I think I may use the VS thingies this weekend"
BE CAREFUL!!! Don't focus on the P side right now. The "emotional" connection is in your post if you read it!!
Right here with all your stuff.. you can change things. His bond is not P. Yours.. right now is.
I recommend.. the "sly" approach.
Do something "creative" today/this weekend. I don't know.. cook on the grill or something. Understand that he has a lot on him and he is not thinking clearly. If you can do that.. Now you share a common thought!
Now..
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
