A couple more of the odd-tone-emails from STBX yesterday, all quite unbidden and moderately unwelcome, but as per procedure I neither wanted to encourage them by receiving them warmly nor discourage what I think is probably some exercise from her therapist (share your feelings).
The way I look at it, whatever progress there is for STBX in therapy is hers alone to make, but I can at least not chuck a monkey wrench into things by acting like I'm spring-loaded to the A**hole position. So I just noted that I saw and read them, but one needed a somewhat bigger reply.
That one sort of lamented about my hating her and how unfair that is, projecting a lot of negativity onto me (a you this about me & and you that about me sort of thing).
So I briefly replied that no, I don't hate you, I don't anything you, I'm focused on shaping my life to meet my needs and achieve my goals and those of Themselves, and that's just how these things go down -- you have your world, I have mine, let's respect the boundaries, and everyone moves forward.
The response: Clearly you hate me because I want the boundary to include you and you refuse.
Hmmmm -- a rope! Pick it up?
Nahhhhhh. My brief reply: I hear that you perceive this to reflect my hating you. I stated my p.o.v., and you can take me at my word or not as you choose.
I believe it means that most of his spouses ways are included within his boundaries, so that there is not a lot of overlap. She wants her own unique space and not to share with him.
Smiles - I rarely get anything remotely connected to your posts about your wife, because of HER, not you... so, I'm just here to smile, wave, and give you a pinch.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Now WTF does that mean?? No kidding! That is some convoluted sh!t!! I believe it means that most of his spouses ways are included within his boundaries, so that there is not a lot of overlap. She wants her own unique space and not to share with him.
This bad's on me -- wasn't clear.
Has anyone seen this "Cougar Town" show with Courtney Cox, the dark-haired lady from "Friends"? My mom was out here last week visiting the grands, and she loves it and insisted I partake -- I'd not seen it, but it was instructive in its own way.
The main character lady (Courtney Cox) is divorced, and her ex is the Standard Sitcom Issue Cool, Comically-Hanging-Out-Around-Her-House-Mooching-Food, The-Only-Thing-Different-is-a-Piece-of-Paper-(except we don't sleep together [but stay tuned, maybe we still want to!])-Otherwise-We're-Just-One-Big-Happy-Family, Guffaw-Guffaw, Oh-What-A-Character, Ex-With-a-Heart-O'-Gold Dude(as seen on T.V.!).
That's more or less what STBXMRSSP imagined it would be like, I think, in those dreamy pre-Bomb days/weeks/months as she was constructing The World's Most Perfect Divorce in the Secret World In Her Head.
What I took her to mean was that her boundary extends so far out that I'm inside it -- within limits, of course (have cake; eat, too) -- so that by refusing to ride my Palomino unicorn into the bubble of post-marital wonderfulness that floats above the snow-capped Mountain of Bliss deep within the Rainbow Kingdom, the obvious conclusion is that I'm hating on her.
It's all good, though -- today she reverted to type and decided to bring some Olde Tyme Batsh*t Karazee instead (I want to be heard! I demand to be heard!). And, oddly enough, the OTBK is easier to deal with than her poor-poor-pitiful me routine.
So there I am tooling around the supermarket, looking for Mrs. Dean Wormer, and I got so dam fed up with the *bing* of my e-mail alert that I donned my rising sun headband, packed up my samurai sword, doffed my spew-gear, and prepared for the divine wind:
Enough's enough. You want to be sure you're heard? BE HEARD. Name the time, name the place. Bring as many members of Team STBX as you want. And lay it all out. Put it all down. Rant, rave, scream, curse -- whatever it takes. I won't defend, deny, denigrate; I won't contradict; I won't rationalize or explain or justify. And when you're done, and I acknowledge you've been heard, I leave -- full-stop -- and THAT'S IT. This is a one-time, all-or-nothing, alpha-to-omega offer -- take it or leave it -- so rehearse or bring note cards or an outline or whatever, because when the last minute ticks away, it's done. You will be heard. And afterward you carry on with your life, and you respect the fact that I'm doing the same -- not paying lip service but demonstrating by your actions. We'll communicate just fine when it's appropriate and necessary -- but it will be all business. STBX, here's your chance.
Called her bluff, and she'll capitulate and quiet down for a while, and the cycle will start anew. Hopefully, though, the paperwork will be gavelled, stamped, and filed by the next time the Crazy Train is about to pull into the station.
No doubt that there will be more opportunities to come, so you're able to sit back, relax, & enjoy the flight. so, I'm just here to smile, wave, and give you a pinch Glad it doesn't "touch you"
Well isn't that nice? Ladies, you three are some of the Sweetest Sweeties in Sugar-town!
The response: Clearly you hate me because I want the boundary to include you and you refuse.
Now WTF does thatmean??
Puppy
No kidding!
That is some convoluted sh!t!!
To quote James Brown from The Payback, "I don't know karate but I know Karazee."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
