I'm taking off my ring April 9

[AmyBel]

To answer my own question. I'm not sure it was worth an hour, but the therapist reminded both of us of the rule of relationships that work (any relationship, not necessarily marriage)
One person has some interruption of well-being
the other person notices
the second person tells the first person what s/he observed
and asks "what can I do to help" (and doesn't diagnose, fix, offer solutions, etc.)
the first person makes a request (and is able to figure out what s/he wants)
the second person is responsive.

What I love about this is two things. 1) the helper doesn't disempower the helpee. 2) the helpee has the room (and mandate) to figure out what s/he wants.

Both things I need to learn, and W needs to learn. Not just in the relationship we are (not really at the moment) having.

For what it is worth...

Next appointment to be at the end of May...