DB, I know you are already underway with your detachment, but here's a little reminder for us all (eh-hem, thinking of me here and the months -MONTHS- of damage I did). Hope it helps to remind us all about why it's important to let them go & not argue with them. (Allen A just posted this one another thread)
"1. Do NOT argue with your spouse when they are wayward, this just STRENGTHENS their resolve.
When you push them, they argue and they HEAR themselves SAY
"I am done" "Our marriage is over" "I am in love"
etc
When YOU ARGUE and THEY counter with the usual stuff above (its classic script we have all heard it) you ALLOW them to CONVINCE THEMSELVES...
Each time they HEAR that they get MORE and MORE sure of themselves... have you ever heard the concept about VERBALIZING your goals to strengthen yourself? Say it so you HEAR it and then you FEEL it?
That's exactly what you do when you argue with a wayward, you HELP THEM FEEL BETTER about AVOIDING YOU. Why would you feel that strategy of theirs? You are just doing a LOT of DAMAGE to your MARRIAGE.
you make YOUR JOB much HARDER when you argue.. so STOP that right away!
2. Do NOT PURSUE your SPOUSE... it just scares them off.. and arguing IS PURSUIT
3. IGNORE what your spouse tells you. I am done, we are over, our marriage is over, I want a divorce, we have ALL HEARD this stuff, its classic script... pay it NO HEED.. this advice is RIGHT out of MWD DIVORCE REMEDY BOOK."
He goes on, but it's more for dealing with WAH with OW.
