ALJ, I will warn you of this even though you have likely heard it before.
1. Do NOT argue with your spouse when they are wayward, this just STRENGTHENS their resolve.
When you push them, they argue and they HEAR themselves SAY
"I am done" "Our marriage is over" "I am in love"
etc
When YOU ARGUE and THEY counter with the usual stuff above (its classic script we have all heard it) you ALLOW them to CONVINCE THEMSELVES...
Each time they HEAR that they get MORE and MORE sure of themselves... have you ever heard the concept about VERBALIZING your goals to strengthen yourself? Say it so you HEAR it and then you FEEL it?
That's exactly what you do when you argue with a wayward, you HELP THEM FEEL BETTER about AVOIDING YOU. Why would you feel that strategy of theirs? You are just doing a LOT of DAMAGE to your MARRIAGE.
you make YOUR JOB much HARDER when you argue.. so STOP that right away!
2. Do NOT PURSUE your SPOUSE... it just scares them off.. and arguing IS PURSUIT
3. IGNORE what your spouse tells you. I am done, we are over, our marriage is over, I want a divorce, we have ALL HEARD this stuff, its classic script... pay it NO HEED.. this advice is RIGHT out of MWD DIVORCE REMEDY BOOK
4. Protect yourself instead of arguing with HIM... chasing him is NOT going to help YOU, it just makes YOU feel miserable and HIM feel REALLY GOOD about how desirable a man he is.. you just feed his EGO at the COST of YOUR SELF ESTEEM...
5. Stop talking to him... just shut him out. Next time he calls, don't answer, get him to chase YOU for a while ok? You sit at home and wait for him to call like a pining child and he can decide to call you when HE wants to allow you to bask in the glory of HIS presence.. its nonsense... ignore his calls... when he asks where you were, tell him you were out with friends...
6. Read Divorce Remedy again.. particularly the LAST RESORT TEchnique. Few people on here mention this, but in DR in the infidelity section MWD tells people to head to Last Resort Technique right away... its right in the book.. and you are NOT doing that, you are pursuing him rather than strengthening yourself.. you are GOING to make YOURSELF very ILL with that approach, trust me I've been there...
