Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[idontunderstand]

James

There are many wise people here who have kindly given you their time and offered helpful advice when they could have just turned the other way. Even after you repeatedly ignored said advice, they kept trying.

Pretty soon, you are going to alienate everyone who is trying to help you. This is the place to come and let off steam, whine, and say whatever is on your mind instead of saying it to your spouse and driving her further away. It is not the place to continually insult people who are trying to help.

These people don't know you from Adam, yet they care enough to try to help. Listen to them. You don't have to agree with all or any. You do have to respect them.

Anyway, good luck.

[BobbiJo]

Food for thought:

Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.... ---Proverbs 26:4

I won't get into a battle of semantics with you cause I am not interested in chasing my tail...I cannot use your own way of thinking to get you to see our point of view...as long as you wrap yourself up in the Bible verses that you think support your current plan of action I don't think I have much constructive advice for you...so good luck and for the sake of the little kids watching and depending on you guys I hope something positive and stable starts happening soon...

[james217]

Don't talk to Serenity that way. Just do not do it.

This woman has been through hell and back and is now reaching out to you and trying to HELP you and you are unkind to her? No. Just no.

You don't want our help, James. You have had some AWESOME support from Puppy, Rob, Mr Bond, Serenity and many others and you blow it off because it is not what you want to hear.

All you want is instant gratification. Well guess what? Nobody gets that when a spouse walks away and cheats. The only instant gratification you will get is from within and that takes work.

This defensive stance you take is something you can change. Think about that.

Word with people laughing and joking about the herpes I got? Or me asking honest to god questions about darkness and for how long and getting sarcasm? In one post I was told no contact and to go dark then it said to reply if she replies and if I do that I'm not doing it right?

Sorry I don't respond well to grow a pair get some nuts and all that kind of talking why kick someone when they are down? I don't do that on any thread and I expect the same respect

Instant gratification? I've stated several times how I don't expect this to be resolved overnight. But I also don't expect my religious views to be pissed on have little things I feel I have accomplished trashed. My manhood questions. Jokes made about an incurable std and the millions of other harsh words I've received.

I'm not perfect nor is anyone on here. But I wouldn't deal harshly with anyone on here.

[james217]

James

There are many wise people here who have kindly given you their time and offered helpful advice when they could have just turned the other way. Even after you repeatedly ignored said advice, they kept trying.

Pretty soon, you are going to alienate everyone who is trying to help you. This is the place to come and let off steam, whine, and say whatever is on your mind instead of saying it to your spouse and driving her further away. It is not the place to continually insult people who are trying to help.

These people don't know you from Adam, yet they care enough to try to help. Listen to them. You don't have to agree with all or any. You do have to respect them.

Anyway, good luck.

And they should have the same respect as well. How would u feel to have an std joked about?

I post a lot on here cause a lot has happened to prevent me from pushing waw away. When I'm pretty new to this and my situation as a whole is somewhat fresh. I wonder if people treated them the same way were they dealt with so harshly for backsliding and making mistakes?

I see and read a lot of stories on here. Where a lot of people have consistnetly messed up even some of the vets have admitted it. So why not be patient with someone who is totally confused?

When I think I'm doing something right its wrong. Its one of the issues I'm dealing with in counseling because I consistently have been brow beaten and criticized and micromanaged my whole life.

Yesterday when I went to the interview my mother came inside and acted like I don't know nothing. When I called the school I got yelled at some more for not letting her do it cause I don't know what I'm doing.

I come on here and hear more of the same. Then waw has me totally confused with the intimacy and then nc for 3 days.

One of them being me in darkness myself.

[idontunderstand]

Respect is earned. It is not a right.

I have read some of your posts to other people. They seem very insightful and thoughtful. When you respond on your own thread, to me, you sound very defensive and confrontational. Calm down. When someone says, "get your nuts back", they are saying to be the leader in your family; Be The Man. There is a book by that name, also.

I don't think anyone is making fun of you or joking about STD's or anything else. It's how you refuse to look at your sitch for what it is and arguing with others that what you are doing is working when it is obviously not.

Take a deep breath, slow down and relax. Not easy during this time, I know. People here are trying to help.

Let them.

[james217]

Food for thought:

Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.... ---Proverbs 26:4

I won't get into a battle of semantics with you cause I am not interested in chasing my tail...I cannot use your own way of thinking to get you to see our point of view...as long as you wrap yourself up in the Bible verses that you think support your current plan of action I don't think I have much constructive advice for you...so good luck and for the sake of the little kids watching and depending on you guys I hope something positive and stable starts happening soon...

I'm starting to think that s10 and s3 are better off. Its obvious my religious views and everything else I'm trying to accomplish aren't working. That's what I hear and see on here and anywhere else. Sd8 too I'm tired of reading reports crapping on me. Me getting up and fighting and trying to sort through this and thinking I'm making a little progress and getting harshly told I have no balls and how nothing I'm trying to accomplish is positive.

Ill jusr go dark and stay dark and hopefully I can get a job soon.

[james217]

Respect is earned. It is not a right.

I have read some of your posts to other people. They seem very insightful and thoughtful. When you respond on your own thread, to me, you sound very defensive and confrontational. Calm down. When someone says, "get your nuts back", they are saying to be the leader in your family; Be The Man. There is a book by that name, also.

I don't think anyone is making fun of you or joking about STD's or anything else. It's how you refuse to look at your sitch for what it is and arguing with others that what you are doing is working when it is obviously not.

Take a deep breath, slow down and relax. Not easy during this time, I know. People here are trying to help.

Let them.

Oh no someone acting said I should get valtrex so they won't have to read about my breakouts and balls itching. The same person then said crap about herpes is other threads he knew I was posting in some of the vets said I should just ligthen up and it was harmless

Well not to me.

Now my religious views are twisted and everything else. I get nothing but criticism. U know what I've taken that abuse for almost 32 years and its made me defensive.

Its not even intentional anymore. Its what me and waw talk about too and how I'm trying to sort through it in counseling

[Gnosis]

While you are dark why don't you re-read everything that has been posted to you. Sit down and think about it. REALLY think about it. Dig out the nuggets of wisdom that have been seeded and allow them to grow.

You say you are new here... that is NOT true. You joined this board April 9, 2006... That's a long time for you to say that you are new to this and don't know what you are doing. You had FOUR years to read through the advice on the board, yet you chose not to. That in itself raises question that I will not ask.

Good luck to you James and I hope God gives you true clarity.

[james217]

While you are dark why don't you re-read everything that has been posted to you. Sit down and think about it. REALLY think about it. Dig out the nuggets of wisdom that have been seeded and allow them to grow.

You say you are new here... that is NOT true. You joined this board April 9, 2006... That's a long time for you to say that you are new to this and don't know what you are doing. You had FOUR years to read through the advice on the board, yet you chose not to. That in itself raises question that I will not ask.

Good luck to you James and I hope God gives you true clarity.

I totally did not even remember posting for maybe 2 mos about a woman I dated but was not married to back in 2006. I finally said screw it. I took about 2 years to grow and mature and met my W through my godsister

but I take my M very very serious/ I'm new to the whole dbing the waw being a stepfather and how to apply these principles.

I have reread all 3 of my threads. I have reread my dr/db book. I am a total newbie at this and I don't know what I'm doing.

I read soldier dad. Rob x pdt. Serenity. And even your oh gno thread about the visa and what happened at church and u outside smoking

[james217]

I'm posting from my phone so there's probably typos. I am afraid I don't want to lose my wife. I think going dark will show her I don't care. What if it doesn't work? She's been queit pretty much for 72 hours. No calls just a few texts. So what now?