how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

well, it looks like i'll be meeting with a L on sunday afternoon to go over the separation agreement my H had drafted up (based on what we'd mutually agreed upon prior to him moving out). i have mixed feelings about this. i know the signed agreement isn't the same as D papers, but...still feels like a nail in the coffin. he will eventually (our "waiting period" is over as of august 1) have to file D papers, but the separation agreement is a legally binding document that states that we plan to file for D.

part of me wants to move on with my life without my H. part of me wants to cling to him and to our M. why did he give up so easily? why doesn't he want to fight for us? can he not see what he will be losing? he left me, he left our life together...and i have to deal with picking up the pieces myself. i know i'm capable and things will eventually go on. i'm ready to let go of the M we had. i don't know if it's what i really want. how do you know when you're in such an emotional haze, what you really want and what is just panic/fear/avoidance??