The countdown continues

[givingitmyall]

Hang in there.

I suppose I need to move to "surving the big d", but I like my friends here at newcomers. Really, I still feel like a newcomer. It's only been 5 months. Ha, I remember when I thought 5 months would be an eternity!

So, don't choose. Do both - I am.

[flowmom]

I'm really glad to read about the custody. That will make it much harder for her to move with your children. I'm glad that the settlement looks favourable to you at this point. I'm guessing the om denial is more about documenting that for the kids than for you. She probably doesn't want them to know and wants to have her false story documented for the future.

(((Awoken)))

[FindingMyVoice]

Whoops tried to reply to this but think I messed up. If this appears twice, please ignore!

Having her out of the house feels so final. It's both a relief and deeply saddening. My boy (S14!) is trying to act as everything is just fine. He confided in D17 that he was coping by "pretending" like everything was normal.

Hi Awoken,
It must feel very odd indeed; not surprising the difficult mix of feelings. I know there's not many words that can heal that sadness so I'll just say that you're in my thoughts today and hoping for comfort for you. I'm sorry your son is having such a struggle too. You'd mentioned previously that you'd been looking into some counseling for him... how has that progressed?

[FindingMyVoice]

I suppose I need to move to "surving the big d", but I like my friends here at newcomers. Really, I still feel like a newcomer. It's only been 5 months. Ha, I remember when I thought 5 months would be an eternity!

Hey you can't get rid of us that easily! Whether you're here or in 'surviving', we'll be there to support you.

[Awoken]

Thanks everyone!

I should have been updating more.

About S14!. He now says he won't go to talk to anyone, and W thinks he is just fine. It's a little hard to push him right now because he is a little angry at me since I "asked mom to leave".

I'm watching closely, and waiting till there is another chance to get him in to IC. My lawyer also serves as a Guardian Ad Litem (did I spell that right?). We had a discussion about what my W told my kids about the OM, and her hiding the facts. While I don't want my kids to know the details, if my son blames me for this I will set the facts straight without getting into the details.

Overall, I think both S14! and D17 really know anyway, and if they dont yet I'm confident they will figure it out overtime.

Still I'm left with the terrible reality that the lessons my children are being taught right now are not good for their future relationships. At the parenting seminar I went to, they went into detail about the recent results of three 30 year long research studies which tracked children of divorce. All of them showed the most problems with relationships in the childrens 20's, regardless of how well they handled it at the time of the divorce. Sobering stuff.

Coparenting is gonna be so important!

[Sister]

((Awoken)) Been thinking about you today. Glad to hear you finally have word from her lawyer. Sounds promising. I'm glad to hear that there may not be much of a fight about things.

I don't really understand the paragraph denying her affair, either. Unless they want to document it just in case something comes up later about alimony? Don't know if that's even possible. Just random thoughts I had.

At least S14! is talking to D17. That's better than holding it completely inside himself. Were you ever able to even find an IC that would talk to your S14!?

Hang in there. Hope the move goes smoothly this weekend. I'll be thinking about you.

[Gardener]

Awoken, I answered your post on my thread, but thought I'd drag them both over here, too.

Like Gypsy and many of you, I enjoy writing. And on mornings like this morning, I do so so descriptively that I imagine some of you are thinking, "Uh oh. Gardener's losing it."

Your words are like a garden too. You are so descriptive. I find myself struggling to get the words out, and to say what I feel, what is on my mind. There is solace for me in reading what you (and serenity) say, as you often articulate the very things I wish I could say, framing it from my mind for me. Yes, it's painful to read. I suppose I get to a similar place on the piano, but the specificity of actual words do make a difference. I'm trying to say thanks!Anyway, Been thinking about you, and I hope you are well.

Thank you, Awoken. I am well (in fact you and Renee Marie are singing to me right now. I forget the title, but it's that husband's-gone-stranger-has-erotic-D/S- encounter-with-wife- song!)
I'll have to play that one to the next companion/lover who comes into my life
Thank you for the kind words on my journaling/venting posts. Like I said, when I get very descriptive and candid, I feel I run the risk of being seen as "Gardener's backsliding big-time out of detachment again," when all I'm really doing is giving voice to those fewer and farther-apart bereft feelings of (still) very real loss.
I mourn. I grieve. Still. This is not to me a sign of weakness or a symptom of not healing or moving forward or (that absolutely dreadful phrase) not "getting on with my life."
It is part of my process. And Saturday I was consumed by a starkly alone garden-walk that underscored all that I've needlessly, selfishly lost.
I write such things for my emotional and spiritual healing and health. Not to demonstrate that I'm not yet healthy or healing.
Sorry, Awoken. I'm getting a bit strident, but not at you. You understand.
I'm glad the "specificity of the actual words do make a difference," for you.
This is similar to the way your music on your cd makes me forget the actual words and just feel and be taken away to a different place for a while. So, I thank you, too.
I read your sitch and think about you often, too. And despite the pain I write about and the pain I read from you, we will be fine. In time. No doubt.

Take care.

[Gardener]

Hi PG, I'm doing ok. Having her out of the house feels so final. It's both a relief and deeply saddening.

Glad you're ok. Final, relieving, and saddening sounds about right.
Stay strong.

Busy's probably good right about now. While I didn't redecorate much, getting all visual reminders of ex out of sight made a world of difference. I did, however, redecorate my bedroom, somewhat. It is now a totally masculine, comfortable place with many elements of sanctuary added.

It's not the best time, since I'm at my busiest right now. I figure in May I'll redecorate the entire house, and get rid of a lot of reminders. [/quote]

[Gardener]

I suppose I need to move to "surving the big d", but I like my friends here at newcomers. Really, I still feel like a newcomer. It's only been 5 months. Ha, I remember when I thought 5 months would be an eternity!

So, don't choose. Do both - I am.

Me, too.

[Sister]

Thinking about you today. Hope the weekend goes smoothly for you.