VETERANS VIEWS ON WALKING AWAY.

[Ken62]

I think there are some subtleties here. IMO you can appear needy and weak but it is how you deliver the message (or not deliver) In my case I have decided to move to a new level of detachment by not contacting my W.

I did NOT tell her that I did not want to be her friend or anything like that. It is for ME. Not a strategy. It so I can heal and move on to the next stage and hopefully, eventually acceptance and forgiveness. As I said I was not ready to completely cut off from her. In the beginning it was so there was an avenue to show 180's, GALing and that I was standing for my vows and my M. You can't do that if you say f#ck you I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

You have to cycle out of the anger and get to the point where it is not a strategy but reality.

The convo with my sis reveals (I think) that WAS definitely places value on that connection with LBS. Just as in the beginning we do as LBS's.

My NC is for me and I do not intend on letting our conversations venture into BFF territory. Why? Because I have already allowed that conversation and it does not serve me anymore.

There comes a point in YOUR journey where YOU decide this. Then it is a natural course of behavior and not a tentative or weak(or contrived) one.

It is a process. You figure out what's working and not working for YOU.

Also I think every case is different there are some with spouses in MLC when these tactics can backfire and lead to a longer process. I think DBing says that after a while if what you're doing isn't working then you have to take another look at what you're doing.

But in the end focusing on YOU and YOUR health is the underpinning to all this. Eventually, everything you're doing has to align with that goal and making it reality.

Just wanted to comment on this because it really rang true with me. Yesterday I sent my WAW the following text message:

"I have thought and prayed a lot since hearing about your visitor last week. I have come to the conclusion that you broke the promise you made to me on our anniversary when you chose to sleep with him. I feel that I have put up with a lot of hurtful and disrespectful things from you for the last year and that I deserve better! I have decided that I am moving on! Goodbye!"

Now granted, sending a text message was not the bravest thing to do but in a way it was poetic/ironic since it was her accidentally sending me a text message meant for her first EA that started all of this almost a year ago. I do feel that this isn't a strategy for me. It is something I need because the ongoing pain is too much and I'm not healing. Now I didn't explicitly say that we can not be friends but I'm pretty sure that it is implied/inferred and I am fine with that. Having her second EA turn into a PA before the divorce is final is a huge deal breaker to me and that is where I stand.

I just read a quote from Puppy in another thread and it also applies to me:

"Limbo sucks, and it's no way to live your life."

One of my female friends wrote me almost the exact same thing when I told her about the text message I sent yesterday and I believe it.

I am finally ready to move on with or without my W and I deserve more than I have received this past year and I am going to be GREAT!