The Good Soil Of Love

[Concerned_Listener]

Doc,
You're right about holding onto ourselves. I went along with the clothes shopping spree, because I was ready for a makeover. I seem to be walking a little taller these days.

You are also right in that we should not be dependent on our W's praise. It's nice to hear and can be valuable feedback, but our self-esteem is not dependent on it. We decide what to accept or dismiss.

As intimacy increases, I can see old mental patterns creeping back--critical thinking of my W's imperfections, resentment about her past actions. I'm going to have to work on this, and "go to tea with the devil." I read books on relgion constantly, and go to church about every other week.

The dog has added positives to the household. I enjoy owning a dog. I think it has a calming effect on my W too.

I can see the changes in my W. She has been observant of negative people who blame others for their problems (her sister, her dance friend), and doesn't like what she sees. She's made these changes on her own, without any influence from me (at least not directly).

I intend to hold onto myself, as you suggest. I still get up and write most days. I enjoy thinking about the writing process and putting form to my thoughts. I'm working on essay writing at this time. I also continue to go ballroom dancing without my W, to practice the dances that are important to me, to keep up with and improve my skills, to maintain connection with the ballroom community.

I understand what you're saying about cycles and the impermanence of things. I'm hoping that the next rough patch will be different, because she and I are different.

I can see some old mental patterns creeping back as intimacy improves (resentment about the past, infatuation with attractive women in the dance community, being critical about my W's imperfections). I read books on religious topics regularly, and go to church every other week. I'll "go to tea with the devil" and try to work it out.

CL