My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[timehealsall]

It's normal nicole.. I woke up (and still do sometimes) wanting to hit/punch/kick/throw out a window/onto train tracks, etc. lol you get my drift?

Just don't act on it. come on here like you're doing and vent to us.. if you want write your note on your thread. get it off your chest.

[nicole8]

I think it is pretty obvious that I am focusing on the ow and my h....not myself. Obviously something I need to work on. Just need to work on myself and talk with a db coach. Hopefully soon. I just really think the more I go dark then my b thinks I don't care so why shouldn't he file for d?

[TrentC]

I just really think the more I go dark then my b thinks I don't care so why shouldn't he file for d?

OK, so what if he does?

You can't control what he thinks or how he feels. (Are you noticing a pattern here?)

The only thing you can do is tell him that you think the marriage is salvageable, and worth the effort to heal. And work on yourself so if and when he comes out of his fog, he sees what he's on the verge of losing.

[nicole8]

Trent thank you.... I really do need to be the better person.... Because at this point I am the better person. That is obvious and going down to his level probably won't solve anything.

I might chang my mind in ten though

[TrentC]

I might chang my mind in ten though

This is not an easy process; I struggle with maintaining my PMA on a regular basis as well.

[nicole8]

Trent-
What do you mean by "living" at the end of your post?

I am trying to have a pma, which Is soooo hard when my h is off on vacation at his moms house and he has really no responsibility except to go to work. Because he left everything for me to do.

I still feel like being dark makes him want to spend more time with the ow....I'm hoping my h will suffocate her soon.

[TrentC]

By "living" I mean that I am practicing being an autonomous human being again.

Sometimes I go out on my own; sometimes I ask my wife to come with me.
Sometimes I hole up and read a book or work on a project; sometimes I want to get out and feel the sun on my face.

[timehealsall]

You are so right Trent. I have a problem "living" sometimes.

I've become so selfless that I'm more worried about being someone's somebody, whether it be my family, kids, H, etc., rather than doing for myself...

can you guys give me some advice on my sitch?

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...954#Post1982954

[nicole8]

I am trying to GAL and be "living" too.... Thanks for the explanation Trent. I made an appointment to talk with a db coach. I am speaking with someone different this time because of my schedule. I didn't want to switch coaches but I will be curious if I get the same advice or maybe something different. I don't know. We'll see how it goes.

I haven't heard from my h for two days. I guess his fantasy life is more important at this point. I know I need to stop focusing on him but it is so hard.
I am really looking forward to talking with a db coach.

One thing I will never understand is how my h can be so cruel and go againtst all his morals.

[TrentC]

One thing I will never understand is how my h can be so cruel and go againtst all his morals.

This is why they call it the "fog". There are some former walk-away spouses that post here; they can possibly give you more insight than I can.

As much as it sucks, you may have to accept that you will never understand why they chose to leave the way they did.