Bridge to Better Days

[FindingMyVoice]

Hi 12bar, I know you were writing all this for PDT's input, but a few lines concerned me and wanted to ask you about them. Please forgive if I'm out of line or talking out of turn - I know I'm not great at giving input because I've never had to deal with an A so please 'punt' my comments if this doesn't help. Your post just makes SO sad to read.

Regarding boundaries - does it matter if it's ongoing or not? Even if it's not still ongoing, it happened, and you're hurt. And if I'm reading correctly, you've never received an apology or seen any remorse? Isn't that fact, in and of itself a crossing of a boundary? That she could hurt you that deeply, betray your confidence respect and integrity and not own up to it or even apologize?

I am still open to R with my W but I would need to see some effort on her part to acknowledge the A and the pain it has caused me.

To me, that sounds like a boundary. A good one.

Unfortunately, I know my W and even if she wholeheartedly wanted to R, I don't think she would be able to address the A, she would want it to just go away and for us to not talk about it.

How do you feel about that? Do you think that's showing the respect for you that you deserve? Even if you couldn't find hard evidence that the A is ongoing, would you be satisfied with continuing the R if she never has to address it?