We should be saying.. "I don't want to be married to you and won't be your spouse" if you are choosing someone else, WAY before "I won't be your friend."
And yet people will allow the wayward to live with them while having an affair, will keep trying to save the relationship while an affair is going on, and yet we are discussing "not being their friend" as some big strong move??.. (while we try to win them back as a spouse???)
I think what you're missing is the DEADLINE. Yes, I told my wife that I didn't want a divorce, and that I was fighting for my marriage, but I also:
- confronted her on her affair - exposed her affair to others - took a very hard financial (cut off all funds that were enabling her affair) and legal (filed for D) stance - laid out -- and enforced -- firm boundaries - told her she'd better hurry up and decide, because my patience was rapidly wearing out
I don't see anything inconsistent with that, and the "Don't Expect Me to Be Your Friend" (Lobo, baby!) statement, strongly delivered. One is basically saying "I'm NOT okay with what you're doing right now, and I WON'T be your friend after we divorce if you choose to end our marriage this way."
Where's the inconsistency in that?
Puppy
P.S. The betrayed spouse shouldn't give the deadline a DATE, because the cheating spouse will then just take that as tacit approval for their affair up until "Dday-minus-1 day," whereupon they will beg and plead and cry and offer the moon and the stars not to be dumped. It's like giving terrorists in Iraq a deadline for troop withdrawal -- they'll just wait you out. But you DO let them know that you HAVE one, and that your patience (and your love) is rapidly running out, and that they'd better hurry.
