Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[timehealsall]

My goodness James!! My brother!!! Please, please, PLEASE. re-read some of the things you have written.

I journal quite often. Either my postings on here or my notebook and I sometimes MAKE myself go back and read during those dark periods.

Go back and read what you have been through but as another person. snap yourself back to reality.

This woman didn't accidently give you an STD. She went and knew the consequences for humping unprotected and didn't give a rats a$$ about bringing it back home to you.

Trust me, I've been there. My H gave me trich (thank god it's curable and I'm 100% rid of it now) from that wh0re he was with who was sleeping around with other men at the same time. Did he mean to? NO, no one means to do it but he did take that risk and he put me at risk at the same time.

Stop allowing yourself to be trapped by this woman. She knows you have a good heart and she is taking advantage of that...

Detaching is hard for ALL of us. You looked at my threads. you know my pain is familiar to yours. Detaching is hard because it's the opposite of what feels right.. But what feels right isn't working James!

We are here for you. Please just listen, okay!

(((hugs))

[james217]

James~

You just can't listen...

You are twisting the Scripture like a pretzel to fit your mindset instead of listening to what He is trying to tell you.

Be Still.

twisting it? Nope I did not do alot of things I should have done. He's trying to tell me that the seperation is there due to my own actions. when I reread things WAW told me? I didn't hear her. I listened but nothing changed. When we were supposed to go to MC counseling I did not go. When she asked me to do things with her I did not go. When she asked me go to IC i stopped but my heart wasnt in it anyways. When she asked to go to church I would not go. When she asked me to go to the doctor to find out why I was so moody and sick with a short fuse I rescheduled them at the last minute. This went on for few months. I was depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I was adddicted to porn and had an EA as well. Almost had a P.A. but I stopped myself but that was bad enough.

I'm sitting still. I'm praying and fasting working on things I need to work on and trying to take care of business.

[james217]

For all the lengthy scripture quotes on marriage, and the command to marry if you cannot resist sexual desires, I have to ask...

What is a spiritual covenant and common law marriage? Are you married, or not married? Where I come from common law means you have cohabitated for 7 years and I know you haven't done that...

I know that isn't the real issue right now but I am curious.

in my state it's different. there are 3 rules.

1)have agreements to be husband and wife
2 represent to others to be husband and wife
3) have lived together as husband and wife

we were saving up for a big wedding in front of family and friends. but we had already done those 3 things. We also made a pact with God and then had a honeymoon vacation.

We have rings too. Neither one of us just wanted to go to court in front of some JP and do it like that.

There are also wills in place and medical poas regarding our few reamining assets children and the business we share together.

so we dont hve a legal marriage license but we do have legal documents agreements and my state recognizes it as being common law.

[james217]

Yeah drink alot of water, your wifes social and family environment IS THE DEVIL, at least for you it is. So if she's taking her "drinks" from them and listening, you will always be in turmoil - and it ain't helping either of your health.

I now those bible verses, but when you are dealing with "bad" they don't work. "Bad" will take advantage of the biblical people every time up to a point.

That point is, god doesn't want us to be a fool behind the wicked. Theres verses on that, and I believe Serenity showed them. We should not be a all-suffering martyr behind anyone, thats what Jesus job was.

If Jesus came down today, man would kill him again.

If your wife truly asked for forgiveness and is blessing you with remorse in her actions, attitude, demeanor and viewpoint - and is keeping her friends and family at a distance, I would say your at a better point than the rest of us.

If she's still listening to them, you will always be in hell. I know the environment you speak of all too well.

she somewhat keeps them at a distance. You best believe I"m getting the same over here from my immediate family.

With neither one of us having a real place or a job (hopefully that will change for me today) and being able to take care of ourselves let alone each other and the children then it's hard to even want to risk possibly burning that bridge. If I feel that way, I know it's even worse for her. The thing is this. Her family would not keep SD8 did not give her documents she did not know about that came to the house, stopped taking sd8 to the private school she was going to in the middle of the school year etc etc. her family is very cruel and mean to not only her but SD8 but their her family so she's lonely and turning to them. she moreso misses her twin nieces and younger sister. So I understand.

i'm going to pick up my bible and do some more reading. it's my favorite book. So i'll go and reread alot of things and read a few more.

[james217]

My goodness James!! My brother!!! Please, please, PLEASE. re-read some of the things you have written.

I journal quite often. Either my postings on here or my notebook and I sometimes MAKE myself go back and read during those dark periods.

Go back and read what you have been through but as another person. snap yourself back to reality.

This woman didn't accidently give you an STD. She went and knew the consequences for humping unprotected and didn't give a rats a$$ about bringing it back home to you.

Trust me, I've been there. My H gave me trich (thank god it's curable and I'm 100% rid of it now) from that wh0re he was with who was sleeping around with other men at the same time. Did he mean to? NO, no one means to do it but he did take that risk and he put me at risk at the same time.

Stop allowing yourself to be trapped by this woman. She knows you have a good heart and she is taking advantage of that...

Detaching is hard for ALL of us. You looked at my threads. you know my pain is familiar to yours. Detaching is hard because it's the opposite of what feels right.. But what feels right isn't working James!

We are here for you. Please just listen, okay!

(((hugs))

well we found out who has it. SD8 father. She had bloodwork done alot as did I and it was never mentioned. I asked my doctor and he said it could have been dormant for a long time.

the doctor says she is pretty much a carrier of it with no symptoms so she's making this little list dating back 8 years and trying to contact the few others to get them tested.

She wouldn't be going through all of that if the one guy was negative and I was positive. Over the past year we have been pretty much inseperable. I was in school and she was always with me. She was on sick leave so when we werent at college we were at home together. we went every where together.

I guess that's why my detaching is extremely hard. my father often said that me and WAW did more together in 13/14 months than him and my mom have done probably over the past 5 to 10 years

but i'm dark and detaching. just reading my bible. waiting by the phone about this job to find out what the final results are since that was my final interview and preparing to see the cornea specialist tommorrow

still no contact from WAW with OM's at all. she's been transparent about her phone as well and doesn't mind me checking the call history. she has no other phone.

[james217]

and yes i'm still dark. it hasn't been easy but im trying to be dark

[Serenity13]

Have Mercy....

I am not sure why I am even going to bother once again here other then the fact that you are one of His and I wouldn't feel right to turn a blind eye to you and your trouble...With that said...

13And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

which one of these is considered greater? FAITH HOPE or love?

Charity is the greatest of these.

I was told to go dark so i'm doing that. She was confiding in me. Confessing her sins studying the bible with me talking of going to church with me. She asked for forgiveness I granted it.

YOU are not God....YOU are not who she needs to be "confessing" to nor getting "forgiveness" from...YOU can't "Grant" forgiveness for her sins.

There's nothing I can do about what happened in the past.

Finally you can see past the nose on your face.

I saw her pursueing me talking of coming home and us trying to resolve things. I was told that wasn't progress. There was even discussion of her going to IC and then us to MC

Talk is cheap and of course she is going to say that - It is to keep her options (that would be you) open.

i'M WORKING ON MY ISSUES

I don't see it.

i HOPE i GOT THIS JOB.

I hope you do as well....That way you have something other then your situation to occupy your mind.

[james217]

Have Mercy....

I am not sure why I am even going to bother once again here other then the fact that you are one of His and I wouldn't feel right to turn a blind eye to you and your trouble...With that said...



Charity is the greatest of these.



YOU are not God....YOU are not who she needs to be "confessing" to nor getting "forgiveness" from...YOU can't "Grant" forgiveness for her sins.

Finally you can see past the nose on your face.

Talk is cheap and of course she is going to say that - It is to keep her options (that would be you) open.

i'M WORKING ON MY ISSUES

I don't see it.

i HOPE i GOT THIS JOB.

.

U sure? I'm not losing the weight? Im not in counseling and therapy? I'm not actively seeking work? I havent figured out that I have diabetes and how to handle it? I haven't gotten one of my eye issues resolved and will find out about the other tommorrow? Nope no progress. I haven't worked out a single thing. I sit here crying 24/7 drinking beer and wine and doing nothing to fix anything.

If she has wronged her husband and hurt him she felt the need to confess her sin to me and ask for forgiveness. I've already forgiven for it. I'm not the one sitting her stating SHE GAVE YOU HERPES she did this. She did that. I have about 20 people reminding me of that (some even joking about it) yet I can't see past my own freaking nose?

and it's funny you don't know why you continue to talk to me except for the fact that I'm one of God's children because i'm hardheaded don't listen etc etc. But I should do what you YOURSELF AREN'T DOING WITH ME AND turn my back on someone who i really care about while they are going through whatever they are dealing with?

like i've stated before I hit rock bottom from a physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial aspect and i'm working to correct these things.

Just because I talk more about my sitch with W on here doesn't mean i'm not taking care of those things.

You guys are just too busy 2 x 4ing and pointing out every mistake or trying to make me turn on WAW to see anything i've accomplished because they are not HUMONGOUS THINGS.

gotta start small then build big

[james217]

still dark i might add. just because i dont agree with everyone's advice and opinions doesn't mean i'm not dark. i dont expect any to agree.

[CityGirl]

Don't talk to Serenity that way. Just do not do it.

This woman has been through hell and back and is now reaching out to you and trying to HELP you and you are unkind to her? No. Just no.

You don't want our help, James. You have had some AWESOME support from Puppy, Rob, Mr Bond, Serenity and many others and you blow it off because it is not what you want to hear.

All you want is instant gratification. Well guess what? Nobody gets that when a spouse walks away and cheats. The only instant gratification you will get is from within and that takes work.

This defensive stance you take is something you can change. Think about that.