Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

What a day! I have been talking to D attorneys today. I am trying to decide whether it will benefit me to file first before to petition the court to avoid her kicking me out.

Any thoughts?

I need to probably file to avoid being kicked and losing custody of the kids.

Any Suggestions?

[sandi2]

Your role is to be "man". Her role is to be "woman". When you carry out your role the way you need to, then she will fill her role or you can D her.

She doesn't treat you the way she does b/c of her age or b/c this is the hand you've been dealt. She treats you like this b/c she doesn't respect you!

It seems to be almost utter hate.

Pretty close!


You do not show strength, honor, confidence, and leadership by sulking, getting angry, having a pity party and playing the "woe is me". Gucci is right, that makes a man appear very weak and a WAW is never attracted to that.

Find Coach's thread on Boundaries in Newcomers. Go to the Infedility Forum and read Allen's posts or start a thread there. He will work with you and tell you how to "get a plan for your M".

[LSG]

Hi sandie2,

I appreciate what you have to say. I have always been the man in the family and taken care of the finances and done my best to be employed. We made decisions together as I thought that couples do regarding jobs and so on. I have exhibited those qualities in the relationship that you speak of up until the affair. I have always taken my responsibility for take care of what I am able to regardless on my job situation.

I understand about respect, but I believe to have respect it is a two way street. I have shown honor throughout our relationship by doing what is necessary with the that we have both been dealt.

I will check out the threads that you meantion.

Thanks!!!

[LSG]

Finally I found out the contact info. to the OMW on my own. I have confirmation that it is correct. I will try to call and let her know about the affair between my W and her H. What can I expect from this from other's experiences.

What have your guys results been?

[MrBond]

I've seen both sides on here.

Either she's going to thank you for letting her know, or she's going to be pissed at getting involved.

Depends on the person. Best to go in it with no expectations if you do plan to contact.

[LSG]

Hi MrBond,

I do plan to go ahead with contacting her. I have tried, but she is never home just a little kid, so I will keep trying to reach her or send a letter. Does anyone know of a template or letter that I could use that will be effective to portray the affair.

Thanks!!!

[DaddyLongShanks]

Your role is to be "man". Her role is to be "woman". When you carry out your role the way you need to, then she will fill her role or you can D her.

She doesn't treat you the way she does b/c of her age or b/c this is the hand you've been dealt. She treats you like this b/c she doesn't respect you!

It seems to be almost utter hate.

Pretty close!


You do not show strength, honor, confidence, and leadership by sulking, getting angry, having a pity party and playing the "woe is me". Gucci is right, that makes a man appear very weak and a WAW is never attracted to that.

Find Coach's thread on Boundaries in Newcomers. Go to the Infedility Forum and read Allen's posts or start a thread there. He will work with you and tell you how to "get a plan for your M".

Doesn't matter if your weak or not, sometimes WAW is just attracted to anything thats not you. Hell she could be attracted to "you" in a different body, and theres nothing you can do about it. We all know you can't rationalize with a WAW, they will try to pull anything over on you.

[LSG]

Thanks DaddyLongShanks,

I feel that what you are saying is my case. There probably is truth in what Sandie2 said about my wife's perception of me justified or not. I am not that person that I was before or during initial stages of the affair. I still need to work on me and take care of myself. I am growing stronger and better everyday. It is different for all of us and how long this process takes. I still want to hear from everyone because it gives me different perspectives that I need.

I want to DB the best I am able to.

Thanks again!!!

[DaddyLongShanks]

LSG,

Yeah, we DB to become more stable and reliable while these WAS are out there on full passion and unpredictability mode. If we try to do it, they turn their nose down at us. Its a tough position to be in.

[LSG]

DaddyLongShanks,

You are so right!!! We still have to do it.

Wife has been going throught the car binder for setting up for a divorce. I am trying to find out if I should file first or not with my attorney today.

Also, I have been trying to contact the OMW that I found I my own. I never did receive the info. from the PI I hired. I found in history on the computer that info. I needed to find out more about him. I am so happy about this, but I do find it a little nerve racking to contact someone about something that will hurt them even if they should know I feel.