embracing change

[Butterfly1]

As someone with a psychology background, I would say this IC hit the nail on the head. I would encourage you to work with her on your deeper issues. She was able to see so many patterns quickly in a deep way for you and your past. I'd keep her for you

[Vulcanized]

Flo,

I'm not trying to be rude or snarky, but there are certain folks on the board that you should either ignore, or do the exact opposite of what they suggest. I think you can figure out the inference from that ...

[mindfull]

Flo - Just peeking in, and catching up. HUGS, friend!

[avermont]

Hey, I'm on counselor #3 since the big news. You do have to take the time to find the right one, as sucky as it is to repeat everything.

In addition to doing The Work with a paid, private facilitator, they also have folks "on call" through the website. That's free. "The Work on the web"-- it was a little harder to find in the website, but keep poking. The on-call people will walk you thru the worksheets. The website itself is very helpful, if you are like me and need handholding/kick in the butt to do the work.

I think my new C will be getting into CBT; I certainly need it.

I figure we have nothing else to gain from this horrible process but better self-knowledge, and better coping skills, right?

Unfortunately, it costs $, but please do what you can to get the help you need.

[flowmom]

As someone with a psychology background, I would say this IC hit the nail on the head. I would encourage you to work with her on your deeper issues. She was able to see so many patterns quickly in a deep way for you and your past. I'd keep her for you

Interesting.

I guess part of what I'm not clear on is what's involved in developing a coparenting plan. I know that lawyers can do it for example. So I'm not totally clear on how much psychological input is involved. OTOH, the autism diagnosis is new for us...it's a whole new perspective on what is needed to meet S6's needs. Under normal circumstances I would be voraciously reading and seeking input from other parents to come up to speed on all of the (that's kind of my specialty). But I haven't really been doing that yet. I do welcome outside input. The IC emphasized how damaging it's been for H and I to be toughing it out with S6 for so many years.

[flowmom]

I'm not trying to be rude or snarky, but there are certain folks on the board that you should either ignore, or do the exact opposite of what they suggest. I think you can figure out the inference from that ...

thanks for weighing in on that

[flowmom]

So I had a somewhat intense conversation with my mother yesterday. She has always been rather vague about my early years. I think she wanted to convey a positive image of my deceased father. But as the years have passed she has dropped bits of info that hinted at the problems. Yesterday I got more of the picture. Before she left him he was extremely ill (dying of pancreatic cancer but they didn't know that) and basically rested all the time when he wasn't working. She finally came out and said that he used to hit me and that I wasn't very attached to him because he was so ill. She left him (because of the emotional abuse and hitting of me) when my sister was 3 months old and I was 2.5 years old (earlier than I thought). Then she began a period of travel, boyfriends, etc. One boyfriend who I remember well is a man who we travelled for many months with through Mexican and Guatemalan villages. I was very attached to him and it was probably very hard when he disappeared from our lives when mom took up with the man who became my stepfather.

My mom also talked about how I seemed last time we visited her (June 09). She said that she was amazed at how calm I seemed in spite of everything that was happening (marriage problems, kid problems).

She emphasized that she thinks that my H has a big heart with a big capacity for love, but that he has a lot of issues and that I can't take responsibility for them. She talked about how bizarre it seemed to her when I would try to get some time to myself or space from the kids (leaving them with H) and H would chase after me demanding that I deal with them in a somewhat neurotic way. She said that she felt that there was something abnormal going on for him there.

[newmama]

I was thinking in your case, there might be special considerations for your son that the IC could be knowledgeable about- oops poorly worded! And then your L could use her "expert" opinion in fighting his L. EX: if your S needs a consistent schedule for coming and going between your places instead of every 8th day except for the third week etc (whatever it is now.)

[flowmom]

In addition to doing The Work with a paid, private facilitator, they also have folks "on call" through the website. That's free.

Have you tried that? It would be hard to work that into my schedule as the free folks have limited time availability and you can't book it in advance. Also, I assume they are less qualified, though probably still helpful.

[flowmom]

Last night I dreamt about H. The only part that I remember was our hands touching accidentally, then our fingers clasping. Such a simple gesture of connection.