Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[Serenity13]

im new to this dbing stuff. I'm really trying but it's not easy. Detaching is very very hard for me. I'm really really trying to detach.

It is very hard and you have others here telling you how to do it, you aren't listening.

I can recall almost dying last year. This woman was right by my side. I can recall when I first found out about my vision issues she was there. When we lost everything she was there. She was more than my wife. She was truly my best friend.

That isn't the same woman you are dealing with right now

She did not purposely give me the std.

What is wrong with that sentence?

I gurantee if I went to ech and every last one of the threads postedon here every single person on here went through the phase I'm going through right now.

Yes however after being here since 06, you should have passed that phase by now

It's not in my nature to be mean or cruel. I read my bible and it doesn't teach me to do that or to turn my back or people or to say crap like infalte your nuts.

It teaches me I should be willing to lay down my life for a friend. To love uncondtionally because love can conquer all.

It teaches me to walk in forgiveness. Anyone who needs my help? I'll try to do so.

I appreciate all of this. I believe that love conquers all. I believe that by being kind and trying to walk like Jesus did on this earth can help others. I'm not perfect at it but i'm going to try.

I read the same Bible - It also says He helps those that helps themselves. Nowhere in there does it say be a doormat for your spouse...Even Jesus knew when to 180 and walk away.

Im dark but if she needs me for whatever reason I'll try to help. I believing blessings come from helping others.

Blessings come from Him...A feeling of peace and joy comes from helping others

Serenity i'm sorry about your divorce. I think you are going through that. At least from what I read through when I looked over your sitch.

Thank you but please don't be...I am thrilled to have a new chance because of Him...I am worth more then this...He has shown me that.

A long time ago I had a talk with my sister who is about 8 years older than me. She asked me how I could love and forgive people so easily. She asked me how I could be that way. I said I don't know. She said your spirit and heart are so kind to people. Sometimes you make mistakes and sin but your heart is always pure and in the right place.

Your sister sounds very nice...However last time I checked - Everyone sins each and every day

Well I haven't changed that much over the years. I love everyone i care about uncondtionally. We all sin and fall short. but God forgives us when we ask. he never goes dark on us or turns his back on us . For that I am thankful and even when people wrong me I can't do it.

Ill see what the darkness does but I prefer to walk in the light. I'm far from perfect.

but ill be ok. I hope everyone has a nice night tonight

No one loves as unconditionally as He does...NO ONE...Yes He does forgive when we ask...Yes He loves no matter what...Yes He is the light however you aren't doing what you are doing for Him...

You are doing it for you...

Did you ever stop to think that the enemy is in your midst? God will take care of it if that is what you believe, however how is He supposed to work for you when you won't get out of His way?

Where is your faith in Him?

Take it to the foot of the Cross and leave it there.

(((Hugs)))

[james217]

God loves us all and wants to see us redeemed, I agree with that...

However, Jesus Himself overturned the tables of the money changers in the temple...unconditional love does not mean blindly accepting another person as a part of your life without expecting them to do the work to make amends for the damage they have done...

And no your W did not "Mean" to give you STDs but going outside of your relationship and sleeping with someone else then sleeping with you means, her actions are the direct cause of your STD! And if the other guy does not have it, I am sorry to say but there is probably another guy out there that she got it from, whether before or after you two got together I don't know....but it had to come from SOMEWHERE...

Nobody wants you to just give up but you need to have your eyes wide open to accept your current reality and deal with the way things ARE, not the way you wish they WERE...

It was explained where she got it from. SD8 father has it. he gave it to her on purpose and just never told her. WE are trying to find out if SD8 has it too.

the way things are? they are messed up. It's going to take alot of work to resolve these things.

But I have seen her making an effort. She has admitted what she has done wrong and asked for forgiveness.

She took me out. We sat down and talked. She planned a romantic evening with her H to show she was sorry. She's also done other little things.

She went to court with me on monday and waited for hours while I handled S10 situation.

I still don't totally trust her but I'll have to wait and see how this darkness does and if she continues to try to change. Or are they just surface things.

In ephesians 5 it talks about how a husband should love his wife and vice versa. in 1st corinthians 7 it speaks upon seperation.

We have read these verses together. But she needs to go to counseling and to the doctor. These are steps I want to see her taking to try to improve as well.

I have set boundaries and goals. She is doing some of them we will have to see.

But the bible teaches me to love no matter what. God knows everything we are going to do even before we do it and he forgives. There are consequences when we do sin (reaping and sowing) but it does not stop his love no matter what the sin is. No sin is greater than any other.

I also have had to show changes too. This was not one sided and alot of things I was supposed to do as a christian father and husband I had stopped doing. I believe that is also why this has happened. I have asked God for forgiveness and my WAW but there are still consequences for being disobedient

[james217]

im new to this dbing stuff. I'm really trying but it's not easy. Detaching is very very hard for me. I'm really really trying to detach.

It is very hard and you have others here telling you how to do it, you aren't listening.

I can recall almost dying last year. This woman was right by my side. I can recall when I first found out about my vision issues she was there. When we lost everything she was there. She was more than my wife. She was truly my best friend.

That isn't the same woman you are dealing with right now

She did not purposely give me the std.

What is wrong with that sentence?

I gurantee if I went to ech and every last one of the threads postedon here every single person on here went through the phase I'm going through right now.

Yes however after being here since 06, you should have passed that phase by now

It's not in my nature to be mean or cruel. I read my bible and it doesn't teach me to do that or to turn my back or people or to say crap like infalte your nuts.

It teaches me I should be willing to lay down my life for a friend. To love uncondtionally because love can conquer all.

It teaches me to walk in forgiveness. Anyone who needs my help? I'll try to do so.

I appreciate all of this. I believe that love conquers all. I believe that by being kind and trying to walk like Jesus did on this earth can help others. I'm not perfect at it but i'm going to try.

I read the same Bible - It also says He helps those that helps themselves. Nowhere in there does it say be a doormat for your spouse...Even Jesus knew when to 180 and walk away.

Im dark but if she needs me for whatever reason I'll try to help. I believing blessings come from helping others.

Blessings come from Him...A feeling of peace and joy comes from helping others

Serenity i'm sorry about your divorce. I think you are going through that. At least from what I read through when I looked over your sitch.

Thank you but please don't be...I am thrilled to have a new chance because of Him...I am worth more then this...He has shown me that.

A long time ago I had a talk with my sister who is about 8 years older than me. She asked me how I could love and forgive people so easily. She asked me how I could be that way. I said I don't know. She said your spirit and heart are so kind to people. Sometimes you make mistakes and sin but your heart is always pure and in the right place.

Your sister sounds very nice...However last time I checked - Everyone sins each and every day

Well I haven't changed that much over the years. I love everyone i care about uncondtionally. We all sin and fall short. but God forgives us when we ask. he never goes dark on us or turns his back on us . For that I am thankful and even when people wrong me I can't do it.

Ill see what the darkness does but I prefer to walk in the light. I'm far from perfect.

but ill be ok. I hope everyone has a nice night tonight

No one loves as unconditionally as He does...NO ONE...Yes He does forgive when we ask...Yes He loves no matter what...Yes He is the light however you aren't doing what you are doing for Him...

You are doing it for you...

Did you ever stop to think that the enemy is in your midst? God will take care of it if that is what you believe, however how is He supposed to work for you when you won't get out of His way?

Where is your faith in Him?

Take it to the foot of the Cross and leave it there.

(((Hugs)))

faith without works is dead. this is actually where my board name comes from.

verse james 2:17 - 22

17Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.

18Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.

19Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.

20But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?

21Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son upon the altar?

22Seest thou how faith wrought with his works, and by works was faith made perfect?


take it to the foot of the cross?

matthew 5:22-25

22But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

23Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

24Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

25Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison.


Matthew 18:20-22 (King James Version)

20For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

21Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

22Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.


She has asked for forgiveness for adultery. She no longer gets on chatlines and talks to other guys. She ended her PA. She is not even looking for that.

When we were intimate, she stated she had been reading her bible again. She mentioned verses that we had studied together. After she asked me for them.

This seperation has made me look at myself as a christian husband and father. And I feel like I did not lead prperly as well. I fell into a rut. I started losing faith I stopped going to church. I stopped doing alot of things and became a total sinner allowing the devil to attack me tempt me use me to do evil things and almost destroy my family.

It may be too late. I don't know. But I'm still dark waiting to see wht happens

[DaddyLongShanks]

Not to discourage you James217,

But it seems like your current environment will never allow things to be right ( as long as your wife listens ). Fight that portion first.

[Serenity13]

James~

If you spent as much time on your marriage as you do defending your actions, you would probably be further along.

18Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.

"However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness."
Romans 4:5

You have the faith however what you are missing is obedience to God's commandments are our "works".

I could do this all day if you like however for once just do this....Be still and know He is God....I will leave you with this in the hopes that you truly read it and understand what is being said.

"You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." James 4:2-3

[james217]

I mentioned this earlier.



1 Corinthians 7

1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

3Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

6But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.

7For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

8I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.

9But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

10And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:

11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

12But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.


so if my wife has asked for forgiveness and she has needs that need to be appease and I refuse guess what? I'm still sinning.

in·con·ti·nent   /ɪnˈkɒntnənt/ Show Spelled[in-kon-tn-uhnt] Show IPA
–adjective

2.unable to contain or retain (usually fol. by of): incontinent of temper.
3.lacking in moderation or self-control, esp. of sexual desire.
4.unceasing or unrestrained: an incontinent flow of talk.

verse 5 talks about belonging to one another fulfilling each others needs so that the adultery and temptation and fornication will not occur on either side.

So yes she was unfaithful but she wasn't doing that type of stuff before. Obviously I was not fulfilling her needs. Whether it was physical, mental, emotional, financial, or physical.

I may have thought I was but I was not if this occured in the first place.

There is more responsiblity placed on the man than the woman. The woman is the "weaker vessel." It says that in Peter.

We have both agreed that the seperation is the best thing right now. She brought up coming home this past MOnday. I immediately said not right now.

This is why I don't understand how going dark helps my situation. We were studying our bible together. Trying to sort out issues addressing the things we both did wrong to get us into this spot and then backing off and giving the other time and space to think about things. Whether it was for a few hours a nights rest, etc etc.

the more we talked the more things were coming out that I didnt know were a problem. Or more issues and concerns she had.

but if the vets say to go dark? hey i'm just a rookie with a bible and a family full of preachers deacons andelders what do I know? *stays dark*

Not to discourage you James217,

But it seems like your current environment will never allow things to be right ( as long as your wife listens ). Fight that portion first.

sometimes the best way to fight is to not to fight. The way I'm going to fight that is by making things being stated a lie.

Finding a job and getting my own place and taking care of myslef and the boys is a start. Dealing with my temper and health issues is a start.

If all the evidence stacked against me is factual then why would she not listen or even be thinking about it in the back of her mind?

It should not take her not talking to these people or us being away in order to have a successful M.

The devil can take any shape form or fashion to try to destroy marriages. The key is to stay in the word pray without ceasing (1st thessalonians 5:17) and keep his commandments.

i've been fasting and praying for over a month now. The only time I break fast is when I feel like my blood sugar is too low and I need to eat something. I usually fast until sunset. Then I eat once a day.

I do drink plenty of water though.

[Serenity13]

James~

You just can't listen...

You are twisting the Scripture like a pretzel to fit your mindset instead of listening to what He is trying to tell you.

Be Still.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Yeah drink alot of water, your wifes social and family environment IS THE DEVIL, at least for you it is. So if she's taking her "drinks" from them and listening, you will always be in turmoil - and it ain't helping either of your health.

I now those bible verses, but when you are dealing with "bad" they don't work. "Bad" will take advantage of the biblical people every time up to a point.

That point is, god doesn't want us to be a fool behind the wicked. Theres verses on that, and I believe Serenity showed them. We should not be a all-suffering martyr behind anyone, thats what Jesus job was.

If Jesus came down today, man would kill him again.

If your wife truly asked for forgiveness and is blessing you with remorse in her actions, attitude, demeanor and viewpoint - and is keeping her friends and family at a distance, I would say your at a better point than the rest of us.

If she's still listening to them, you will always be in hell. I know the environment you speak of all too well.

[BobbiJo]

For all the lengthy scripture quotes on marriage, and the command to marry if you cannot resist sexual desires, I have to ask...

What is a spiritual covenant and common law marriage? Are you married, or not married? Where I come from common law means you have cohabitated for 7 years and I know you haven't done that...

I know that isn't the real issue right now but I am curious.

[james217]

James~

If you spent as much time on your marriage as you do defending your actions, you would probably be further along.

18Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.

"However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness."
Romans 4:5

You have the faith however what you are missing is obedience to God's commandments are our "works".

I could do this all day if you like however for once just do this....Be still and know He is God....I will leave you with this in the hopes that you truly read it and understand what is being said.

"You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." James 4:2-3

and I could too.

1 Corinthians 13

1Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

2And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

3And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

4Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

5Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

9For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

10But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

11When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

13And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.


which one of these is considered greater? FAITH HOPE or love?

Romans 5: 1 -4
1Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

2By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

3And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

4And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

John 15:13
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

and work on my M how? I was told to go dark so i'm doing that. She was confiding in me. Confessing her sins studying the bible with me talking of going to church with me. She asked for forgiveness I granted it. There's nothing I can do about what happened in the past. I was simply trying to make our encounters as positive as possible even if we do have a somewhat. I saw her oening up to me for the first time in months before she even left. But i'm told to do the opposite. I saw her pursueing me talking of coming home and us trying to resolve things. I was told that wasn't progress. There was even discussion of her going to IC and then us to MC

i'M WORKING ON MY ISSUES. i HOPE i GOT THIS JOB.