2x in a week...sounds health, feels great probably...keep your emotions in check (maybe try journalling). I found that after the D word, LM can be extra emotional at times and you want to enjoy every moment. A bit of journalling/an IC can make sure you don't break down in that dept by keeping stress at bay.
I can tell you that aftef discussing the Are I noticed a definite change and her mood. I should have stayed away from that as advised here but it just happened. I'm working on being the husband I should be and sent flowers today for no occasion like I used to do. It's time to rock her world, forever. The MC was I'll so I haven't heard from her yet. I almost wonder is that is a good thing as now I have a few days to really concentrate on healing and doing a 180. I'm still keeping my eyes open for indications of some type of A and will seek advice here. Thanks very much!
You're really doing that for both of you~ Keep it up - remember the hard times will pass one way or another, but you only have control over what you do and how well you listen to her.
I would suggest you watch the pursuing behavior as well as the availability.
As for the LM, my honest opinion is that it's not necessarily a good thing. In fact, there's a significant possibility that it's a big red flag. When a WAS goes from "I'm not in love with you" to sexual intimacy, chances are the real drive behind that behavior is not something that will fill your heart with joy.
Last edited by Deep; 04/15/1004:45 PM.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
Yep. I'm getting a strange vibe so it may be time to back off a biy and just work on the things I need to address. The books just arrived today so I'll start to read them this weekend. So I'm not sure what the negative aspects of LM are but I hope it didn't damage things. I finally have an appointment with the MC for next Friday. It's been an incredibly emotional and exhausting week for both of us which I believe is taking a toll. On top of everything else I've just started a new job. Wow. Thanks for all the input. You can bet I heed your advice.
LM didn't damage anything for me; if anything, it helped me feel and better identify some issues in the marriage. I could see how it would be a problem if you made it happen or took the chance when she was depressed/drunk/etc.
You have to feel your way around. What has worked for some may not work for you. Reading the books is a great place to start~
If backing off means giving her some space, that is great. If it means backing off the good things, maybe reconsider. One thing your W will be wanting to see is if the changing you is really you or just a facade because of fear.
I think we're both just exhausted from the emotional strain this week. The LM was after a normal day (other than the obvious issues). Since she committed to work on our issues I didn't think it was a "last fling"....or at least I hope not!
By "back off" I mean give her some space but continue to do the things related to my clear priority of the R. I sent flowers today and will bring coffee to her office tomorrow (which isn't anything new) as I have to visit her for business reasons anyway. Beyond that I'll continue to be the man I want to be, love my kids and read the books. It seems the sitch changes every day so I'll continue to seek giudance and monitor opinons here. Thanks!
Be careful with LM. Of course, do what works for you, but in my case, it was just sex. It was fantastic, mindblowing, monkey sex, but no love was involved. She even told me so. It has only happened a handful of times and now I look at it as if I picked up some whore in a bar and had a great time for one night. Don't really want to see her again, I got what I wanted.
My wife is not a whore. She is the mother of my children and the love of my life. The person who was fuc*&ng me was not my wife.
Don't get me wrong; only you can tell what's really going on. Just be careful. What you take as ML and becoming closer may not be the same way she is taking it.
No kidding...very touchy. I'm not sure what she's feeling regarding LM. She put me on notice Friday evening after we had some great time together. She said she's still not sure about the M and divorce is still a possability. She's understandably not sure the changes I've been making are long-term. We see the MC Friday afternoon which has me very nervous. She's also planning a trip in July to see her brother and sister-in-law and has made it very clear that I'm not invited....and that hurts.
DCB, remember, you've only been on this path for a couple weeks. There are probably things both you and her have to do so your M can be a happy place for both of you.
Keep evaluating. Take the pain that you feel and vent it somewhere. I'm not saying don't let her know you're hurting, just be careful not to be Mt. St. Helens~
Maybe by July she'll bring you, too. Was she going to leave the kids with you, too?
