I think there are some subtleties here. IMO you can appear needy and weak but it is how you deliver the message (or not deliver) In my case I have decided to move to a new level of detachment by not contacting my W.

I did NOT tell her that I did not want to be her friend or anything like that. It is for ME. Not a strategy. It so I can heal and move on to the next stage and hopefully, eventually acceptance and forgiveness. As I said I was not ready to completely cut off from her. In the beginning it was so there was an avenue to show 180's, GALing and that I was standing for my vows and my M. You can't do that if you say f#ck you I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

You have to cycle out of the anger and get to the point where it is not a strategy but reality.

The convo with my sis reveals (I think) that WAS definitely places value on that connection with LBS. Just as in the beginning we do as LBS's.

My NC is for me and I do not intend on letting our conversations venture into BFF territory. Why? Because I have already allowed that conversation and it does not serve me anymore.

There comes a point in YOUR journey where YOU decide this. Then it is a natural course of behavior and not a tentative or weak(or contrived) one.

It is a process. You figure out what's working and not working for YOU.

Also I think every case is different there are some with spouses in MLC when these tactics can backfire and lead to a longer process. I think DBing says that after a while if what you're doing isn't working then you have to take another look at what you're doing.

But in the end focusing on YOU and YOUR health is the underpinning to all this. Eventually, everything you're doing has to align with that goal and making it reality.

My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am