Agree with gardener, fm. On BB now so short, but in my exper (many therapists; also used to work at a center for kids with Autism etc), it may be harder to find someone with expertise with autism. I have dysthimia too and think that, while it' very important to address your issues, they are more "typical" for therapists (not to diminish at all) and easier to find someone to work with. If you want, def sign a release for first IC to talk with new one.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
FM: Her insights and observations rang true for me and I felt that she quickly figured out the big picture of my life. I have mixed feelings about stirring up the stuff from the past though.
Do NOT bite off more than you can chew right now. Focus on immediate functionality and comfort for the next year now. Don't spend months resolving and reopening childhood stuff now. I believe NOW is the time to compartmentalize. I'm serious. You don't want to dig up stuff and have it unburied while you're going through this.
FM...not sure about the 3 mo thing and I know you have read a lot of sitches on here so you know that too! I agree with gardener too! Also, I think OP is right...you don't want H to feel pressured!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Do NOT bite off more than you can chew right now. Focus on immediate functionality and comfort for the next year now. Don't spend months resolving and reopening childhood stuff now. I believe NOW is the time to compartmentalize. I'm serious. You don't want to dig up stuff and have it unburied while you're going through this.
Thanks for this advice rr. I think you have a point...there's a Pandora's box there and I need to handle with care.
I'm not planning to follow the advice to initiate a temperature-taking talk with H right now. Although I frequently get very strong urges to take action of some kind to get out of limbo and out of the passive role that I seem to be in. I can almost imagine myself following gucci's advice to lay it all on the line...but I don't know if I can or want to.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
don't initiate anything you can't handle R talk wise while temp taking. if you get a spew, you can' never tell if it's a spew or the real deal. are you prepared to handle "the real deal" this week? are you prepared to figure out whether it was a spew all week? ask yourself THAT whenever you get the urge to temp take.
flowmom, this sounds like a very interesting and revealing session for you. I think this IC would be incredibly helpful in dealing with S's differences and the coparenting plan.
rr22 is right on the money, as usual. Don't overwhelm yourself, especially with more emotions, memories, and conflict. She's also right about the temperature-taking and spewing possibilities. How does she know so much???
Thanks for the feedback on how to use the psychologist. You make good arguments for keeping her on hold for use with the coparenting plan.
Of course that means I'd be looking for IC#3 since the separation. I could try either another psychologist who has been recommended by a personal friend (and I have some medical coverage for a few sessions of that) or I could try phone facilitation of doing The Work, or alternating between the two. Avermont tried doing The Work with a facilitator and she found it very powerful, though she didn't replace IC with it.
The IC's insights leave me feeling a bit like I'm a broken person. I remember when I stopped counselling years ago and just felt like I was sick of being a fix-it project and I wanted to just try the idea that I am good enough as I am. But I'm back to feeling that there are changes that I want to make, and I want support in doing that. Maybe I need to look at something totally different like CBT.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I'm excited about CBT, too, flowmom. My IC said we'll be using some, and I'm ready for it. If you and I both get involved in it, then we'll compare notes!
FM- just want to ditto using the IC for the coparenting plan.
As for asking your H where he is at--that is like going through a cheeseless tunnel or talking to a wall--based on what we read here!
And yes, it takes several counselors to get the right one sometimes. It is exhausting rehashing stuff every time but so worth it when you are relying on this person to help you figure out how to deal with your life!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
It's like finding a good hairdresser! (you know what I mean)
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
