Update- Ever since I broke NC, its been hard to get that one day "clean" again...ugh.
I've been sucked right back in and it couldn't have happened at a worse time.
W and I exchanged some texts this morning...I had left her a message stating that seeing has how we aren't making any progress and I have taken some time to myself and been in therapy for 7 months now...that I am contemplating pursuing other options.
I stated that it was absurd that her client is a D L and W has not yet filed- and that if I were to pursue something else, I would file immediately so that I am not disrespecting the M or being adulterous.
The texts started after W- I need to get the rest if my things M- L can handle that from now on W- doesnt have ti be that way M- it was your choice, you decised to have an A and not work at all on yourself or the M. You betrayed me in every way you could, lied, and sabotaged our R. W- dont be nasty M- what could be more nasty than sleeping w/ another man while M?
few hours passed
M- I'm angry b/c you've done what you did while M...if you were D you can be w/ whomever you want
W- I justified what I did b/c my needs weren't met for so long. I know it wasn't the right thing to do. I'm sorry
M- you didnt need to go o/s the M to have your needs met. it would have required patience and clear communication.
I wanted to speak w/ W tonight about our options- if she agrees that she's not interested in any R w/ me, than we can go file together so there's no animosity
Never happened...W was "too tired...can't think."
Here's where it got interesting. via text
M-"sorry you had a bad day, let's plan for Sun, pref evening and somewhere we can visit w/ the dogs...let me know"
W-"I dont know what I want, I dont know what I'm doing w/ my life, how did I get here?"
M-"I have a theory but you wont like it..."
W-"?"
M-"this is what happens when you allow feelings to dictate your decisions...I know b/c it's happened to me; I'm trying to avoid the same thing..."
W- "what do you mean you doing the same thing?"
M- "get some rest"
W-" I cant think, have no time to myself, so stressed...I think I'm dying"
M-"I hope not, just relax, meditate and pray...good night."
I'm sure there will be a lot of 2x4s, I deserve them.
I'm to the point myself where I would love to bust the D, but am pretty sure I am better off w/o W all together. I def do not want to hurt my friend, and I do not think that W will ever know what she wants, even if we D...
I can't really live like that anymore- I do love her, but I think too much has taken place now. I am open to the possibility and like I said, it would be noce to only M once and see if this M could be better after all this shirt...
I'm sure W was going back and forth w/ both me and OM- I'm not that much of a dummy anymore...
