Quote: Let's take this statement of yours. Let's reframe "pathetic sense of duty" to "She's doing this as an act of love. She is doing this for me. She wants to do something for me because she loves me even though she struggles with a lack of desire for sex."
Interesting. That might be really helpful, because she knows that I can sense when she is not into it, and that I really don't want to "do it to her". But if we have to have perfect sex to have sex at all, if she feels like she has failed unless she is completely turned on, we never get past the impasse.
But how would you say, "honey, let's try having sex regardless, I'll get off even if you don't, and that's OK." It doesn't sound terribly romantic, and it wouldn't exactly be a turn-on. I can see how to say afterwards that I appreciated it as an act of love, but to ask for that kind of act of love ahead of time, regardless of how it feels for her...I can't think of how to frame that.
