Talked about how sorry I was for the emotional neglect and pain I caused, how sorry I was for the PA and particularly in trying to bury it. Talked about how we need to heal to move forward, even separately. Talked about how we should slow down and give ourselves a chance to breathe.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
This doesn't have as much to do with your affair as she is allowing you to think. This is more about her feelings for the OM. The WAW always has a reason or an excuse of how you let them down. If it wasn't your affair it would have been your work, your lack of connection, your not helping around the house, etc. etc. etc..
When a WAW has another man they are interested in the excuses and blame game is endless..
This is about her wanting the OM. Your affair is an excuse. There are tons of examples of people having affairs on this site as we speak. Notice that most all of the BS's on this site are more than willing to reconcile and forgive the affair. She is gas lighting you to defend her own affair. Classic.
So how do I deal with this? Cut her out of my life and GAL?
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Sorry for keeping asking for advice, but I am a bit lost here. W wants D, and Monday morning I agreed (am told by many of you this is a big mistake). W has been in a major downward spiral since that time, and I am very, very worried about her. Massive depression, the future is very black. Thousand yard stare. The realization that it is over, which she wants, is hitting hard. Do I just ignore everything? Do I reach out?
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
All I can say is tell her you're sorry for what you've done, and you understand her decision. You understand the pain you have caused her and reason for her action. That you hope she will change her mind and back out of the D. That you are there if she needs, after all, you owe it to her.
Then give her time to ponder it all out and yourself.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Thanks for that, dday. Already did what you suggest yesterday. Told her I would be there when she needs me. This is very, very hard, and difficult to know what to do.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
What you do is live your life. You apologized and now the ball is in her court.
Despite what gucci says, your A could have played a role in what's going on here especially if you hadn't dealt with your issues. For example, if you felt she didn't deserve to be respected which is why you had the A, then you might have treated her badly without actually realizing it. Again, it's just a scenario.
Especially since you didn't talk to her about it, I think sweeping it under the rug was a bad idea.
So she's going into depression. That's actually good. It means that she's torn and that she hasn't made a decision yet. Keep the positives going and get her to trust in you again. Not because of your A, but to get her to open up to you once more.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
If that's the case Mr. Bond then this whole thing actually could be his wife's fault. She may feel that he doesn't deserve to be respected which is why she had the affair, she might be treating him badly without actually realizing it..
So this could very well be her fault because she wasn't meeting his needs, which caused him to have an affair..
So she should be apologizing to HIM for not meeting his needs and partly being the cause of starting this whole mess.
One thing we don't realize. Is some of these people convince themself that mentally "they don't care". Its nearly impossible to reason with someone like this. Perhaps the WAW just "doesn't care"...
Many of us on DB are the types who like solutions, etc - where a "don't care" person is saying "its broke because I want it broke". "I know there's nothing wrong with you, I'm going to do this as long as you let me. If you don't like it leave, or I'll leave".
What can you do against that? Get your life back and enjoy it!!
