Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[james217]

No Contact involves ignoring her a bit as well....

IMO the BEST choices are...

1. Ignore.
2. Contact via email

The other two choices would not be in my vocabulary until SHE either called me or ASKED me to call.

My top choice is # 1 (ignore) and here is my reasoning...

The thing that I have observed over the years is that one of the most effective ways to get a woman back seems to be when you leave them curious to why you didn't call them or return their call or email them after they emailed you first.

I am only talking about ignoring this for this one initial email. Since you have done such a marvelous job of leaving her alone (which was fabulous) she could be putting out "feelers" because she is starting to question her decision. Giving her this time by staying away is an excellent move because it gives BOTH people a sometimes well needed breather. During this time I would guess that she has secretly gone back and forth over and over if she really is doing the right thing. She may be wondering if she has lost you. The key is that she HAS to be wondering. Let her fill in the blanks to what you are up to.

Now. IF she is still determined and just wants to get this over with and nail down some final details, then again, ignoring is not going to hurt you in the least.

My guess is that if you ignore this one time, that she will contact you again and ask you if you got her last email. This would give you the opening to tell her "yes, I got it, but I have been busy and haven't had time to get together" (or any one of a number of reasons that show her how busy you have been and how much you are letting her go. (which again is the key to them coming back.. them feeling that you have let go)


The second option...

Email her back. Answer her questions and tell her what is good for you. This option won't hurt you, so don't think just because I favor option 1 that this option would be "wrong"...

Moral of the story..
Strong, confident men are attractive to women.
A strong confident man is decisive.
Be stong and confident, decide what you are going to do and execute.

As you get stronger. (and you are doing GREAT) you need to get to the point where you don't have to ask us what you should do, but you just do it because you know you are secure.

Remember.. No pressure. Be nice. Be confident. Be mysterious. Be decisive. Let her see a busy man going somewhere with his live. A happy man that is busy is very attractive to women..

Good luck

[quote=robx]well you have some more clues to help you along,
check this out but you have to be willing to do this and not just read the words I'm typing - all of this stuff hinges upon your ability to transform the text on these screens into real action, otherwise you'll just be whining on these forums for the rest of your life and complaining about how life is unfair.

OK back to the action.

"...Everytime we start getting close again she purposely brings up something that usually pushes my buttons and we argue."

When you guys start to close again, whatever that means, touchy feeling, kissing, etc. YOU be the first one to stop before she stops it, almost like teasing her but you have to make her believe that you mean it.

"We shouldn't be doing this, this isn't right, I'm sorry I shouldn't be doing this with you, I don't want to give you false hope or the wrong idea"

"We shouldn't be doing this, things never work out between us, I don't want to give you the wrong idea"

Do you see what happens here?
You're not using your normal logic that you usually use with her which is "listen to me, listen to my logic, I can change, I can be a better husband for you, blah, blah, blah" and she will never believe any of that.

What you are using is a method to get in touch with her feeling but you are rejecting her but you are actually agreeing with how she has been feeling for a long time, you guys start to get close and then she pushes you away, and look how well it works on you, you want her even more after she does that and then come here and complain that you don't understand. Do the same thing with her, even when you guys are just talking about something and you are being there for her, all kind, considerate and understanding... stop yourself and use the words that I've mentioned above and then tell her that she should leave because you want to be alone and don't want her to be there.

You need to start doing what she's been doing to you,
reject her but use the reasons I've given so that it's not too harsh or punitive. The dynamic switches at that point, she normally has the power of that decision and choice and you've taken it from her (finally) and you've used it against her. The reaction will be the same one you've always been having afterwards, you get mad, you trying to figure out in your head how you can get close to her again except she'll be the one having these feelings now.

Totally counter-intuitive, totally outside of the scope of the logic you've been trying to employ in these situations and totally NOT something you would do.

Time to stop doing what YOU would normally be doing.

]

The BEST thing I have done in my sitch is absolutely minimize contact with my W. I can't completely cut off from her as we have three little kids to take care of, but it's amazing how close you can come. All contact via e-mail, never intiate conversation with her, and if she asks something, one or two word answers back. Don't look at her, at all. After a few weeks I started to feel very free.

A I agree with robx completely. Don't give her special consideration when it comes to being her friend. She doesn't deserve to be your friend right now. My friends help me, they are supportive, they never mind a phone call to ask "What's up?" I never feel strange about asking if they want to do something with me. That's a friend. As robx says, these WAWs are leeches, acting "friend-ly" to get security and support from you, with nothing coming back the other way.

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