Don't ever contact OW. Like was suggested if you want to write down your feelings, do so and then shred it because talking to OW will only make things worse. You are giving her control over you when you do this. It is best to stay as far away from her as possible.
Before DBing, I did contact OW and sent her a text that said if she loved H half as much as I do then she and he should come out of hiding and tell everyone their love and be together. To stop hiding it and I would divorce H and they could be together forever. She immediately contacted H and said she wanted to stay away from him. He then got mad and they got closer because I was "crazy".
Since DBing, I did encounter OW one time, which was when I was at my lowest point, and it was right after I thought H had indicated that we were going to reconcile. I was wrong and they were as close as ever.
I know it seems counterintuitive, but you need to stay dark and if H says D, be ok to say if that is what you want then ok. I deserve better.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
I really wouldn't have to fabricate anything to prove to her how my husband is treating her. I honestly don't think she has any intention of wanting a relationship with my h. She knows how he feels and has told him "time will tell, I enjoy talking with you, blah blah". I know She has multiple guy friends and this is evident by looking at her facebook photos. There are two photos where my h went with her and her friends to a football game. She seems so uninterested in my h and is practically leaning in front of him with her arm around another guy....plus it is obvious that my h with his salt and pepper hair is older than this 24 year old crowd.... I have to laugh at this.
I am almost positive she is leaving for the other side of the country next month....but not 100% sure. Still won't solve the problem. I think my h thinks she will want to carry on a long distance r with her.
I don't want to sound naive, but I really feel like this is a total infactuation on my h part and she does not have any idea what he is doing or saying....I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to send her an email from an unknown email that lays out the facts that she is on an affair and she is breaking a m... Maybe my mil should kindly call her. I know she would not approve if she knew what he was doing.
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
I honestly don't think she has any intention of wanting a relationship with my h. She knows how he feels and has told him "time will tell, I enjoy talking with you, blah blah".
[...]
I am almost positive she is leaving for the other side of the country next month....but not 100% sure. Still won't solve the problem. I think my h thinks she will want to carry on a long distance r with her.
If all of this is true, why waste time and energy messing with it?
She'll leave to have her life and he'll have to look at what he has done to your relationship. Why muddy the waters by meddling?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
What is the best way to bust the affair? He is staying at his moms house and we rarely talk, just text some. I haven't seen him in two weeks. Should I let his Mom know what he is doing? He has surrounded himself with people who approve of his actions or don't care more or less.
No one knows what he is doing except for my good friend and her h. They are both good friends of my h and I. but he has avoided any contact with them and thinks they must hate him. I have contemplated calling his good friend who he doesn't see because he lives on the other side of the state, tell him what is up and see what he does with my h. Maybe he would call him and or maybe he wouldn't I don't know. I just really don't want my family involved in this in any way.... Which does nothing but breath life to the affair, I know.
I am torn on what to do....If you couldn't tell.
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
I just really don't want my family involved in this in any way.... Which does nothing but breath life to the affair, I know.
Why not tell your family? I mean, you're considering telling his mother and his friends, thrusting them into a private issue and making it impossible for them to not take sides. Which will be more relationships for the two of you to mend if things work out between you.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I don't know the best way in your case. However whatever way you do it, you have to have conclusive evidence and you are going to have to present it in a way that the OW is not going to want to be with your H. If they work together, you can go thru HR or the Boss as most companies ethics do not allow inter-office romance.
gman, OfficerInNeed, and AllanA all made major inroads into restoration by busting the affair first.
nicole - been watching your situation from a far....not much input but i will say one of the biggest factors in busting up my W A was the simple fact we were still living together, and i never gave up my marital bed after the ILYBNILWY crap she spewed....so obvioulsy ech situation has different elements and factors.
sorry not much help but you got my support
Gman
Last edited by gman; 04/15/1003:11 PM.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Ok, I woke up today wanting to contact the ow. What is wrong with me?
You're focusing on them and not yourself.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
