I was thinking a lot about your situation today. Mostly about how you got here to the D talk. Remember all the caution flags that came out here from people about your H not being ready to piece your M back. That none of us thought that MC was going to be very helpful right now?
Go back and look. I really think your H has to deal with his issues. You and I are not dealing with the same personality with our Spouses but the same approach applies.
You said something to me on my thread: you got married for better or for worse not just until it got tough. Right? Well it don't get much tougher.
If you believe this AND you want to stop living like this then the answer is here for you. This process is about healing YOURSELF and doesn't end with the D or with your H being crazy. You have started it by coming hear and listening.
It will end when you have made it through the process an LBS goes through. I know you don't consider yourself an LBS but you are. Your H had an A and he is not back in this M even though he thinks he's been trying (really not much of an effort)
When (and if) you sign your D you won't do it as a victim or from a place of weakness you will do it because you have accepted everything, let go of the pain, and grown in yourself to know that it is the best choice for YOU to be happy.
Your M is still in trauma right now. I suggest that you continue to conmpletely detach. No contact. If H wants to serve you with papers then you have to react but take the time to take care of you. This is only if you believe what i wrote above. You can obviously go through this healing process with a D but we are here because of our integrity and the desire to do whatever we can within the limits of our own health and sanity to save our M.
Only you can know what that is.
There is an interesting thread on MLC I will try to lift for yiu here later.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
