Corri: When I read that chapter, I don't think I found a single word that I disagreed with. That chapter PERFECTLY describes my marriage and my feelings. I hope that I can get my wife to read the book and take it seriously. She is still in that "It's only sex" mode.
I have thought about counseling, and I might even try it through my church. Real marriage counseling might be to expensive since I am trying to pay off some big bills.
Quote: I hear many HDers say that, "with the exception of my sex life, I have a great marriage." I think that is bull pucky.
Low sex marriages ONLY work when BOTH spouses are LD, if one is HD, then the sex must be good and frequent.
Quote: You are no longer dependent on your spouse to change or take care of your unhappiness. You take that power away from them
I have never really understood how to do this, and I know that many experts recomend this. I am pretty happy with other things in my life, I am VERY unhappy with the fact that my LOVER is DEAD. It seems to me that my happiness is entierly dependant upon my wife since the hapiness I want comes from being with a lover. Now unless I cheat on my wife, there is no way to replace this form of happiness. I already have hobbies, and I already work out to make myself even fitter. The sad thing about working out is that I know that I know that I am making myself look better for my wife and if that does not work out, then I am making myself ready for a NEW person in my life. And even worse yet, when men work out, they produce MORE testosterone, which only makes the HD/LD problem WORSE!! This is not like other aspects of marriage where there are substitutes for things that are missing. I am missing physical touch from the one and only person that can morally give it to me. There IS no substitute for this, and I am reminded of this 24 hours a day. Interestingly, my wife and I were talking about how some other people we know suffer from depression, and my wife made the comment that she thought I might suffer from depression to some degree. I do get depressed on occasion for short times, and I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT CAUSES IT. Everytime I see other couples, especially middle aged couples, that are sharing some form of intimacy, I get down because I wish I was the guy in those relationships. Heck, I have other couples sharing more forms of intimacy in my own house, which immediately makes me very quiet. Then my wife will see this and ask me what is wrong. Then to avoid making a big scene, I will always answer nothing. One, of these times when we have a party at our house and some other couple starts touching, and then I get depressed, and then my wife asks what is wrong, I wonder if I should shout out in front of everyone, "Look, hon, other women actually TOUCH their freakin husbands, they actually sit by them, they actually KISS them, what the hell is wrong with you!" When will LD wives ever realize that the way they treat their husbands actually CAUSES the withdrawel into cave mode. Now I know why so many HD men want to take drugs to KILL their desire, that has to be better then withdrawing into our caves.
