CeMar, Have you tried presenting the issue to your wife this way:
"It's not 'just sex.' My love for you increases when we have sex. When we don't, the love I feel for you begins to diminish. I start loving you a little less and less. I don't want the love I feel for you to die. You may not ever understand it because that's not how it works for you, but it does for me. That's not going to change. So it's not just about some itch that needs scratching. It's about keeping my love for you alive."
The way you've been presenting your feelings on the BB, it comes across more as an itch. A really, really powerful itch, but still "just" an itch: "I need sex. If you loved me you would give me sex!"
The two messages have very different meanings. It was the first message, which Michelle presents in SSM, that gave me an entirely different perspective on what sex might be doing for my H. I had been engaging in "maintenance sex" with my H for several months before reading SSM. I was not feeling good about it, but reading this perspective helped. (Turns out that for my H, that isn't what sex does for him, but that's another story.)
Being HD does not necessarily mean that sex nurtures your feelings of love. Sometimes it does mean that it's just a really big itch. Only you know what it is for you. But IF it is the fertilizer for your love for your wife, then present it to her that way rather than as a need she ought to be filling. It might be a message she has an easier time hearing and understanding why this is so important.
