So, went to see IC #2 today (psychologist recommended by L). Her assessment of me was that because of my father dying and other events in my childhood, I had an ambivalent attachment to my remaining parent, my mother. She thinks that I've had dysthymia and anxiety all my life because of the attachment issues (dysthymia due to connection being conditional on my performance, anxiety due to connection being conditional on my mother's inconsistent availability). She thinks that I developed procrastination as a child, as a way of resisting my parents and gaining control over my situation. It was a way of comforting myself. She believes that dealing with the childhood attachment issues that I have will help with the dysthymia, anxiety, and procrastination.
She said that the current situation is a huge trigger for my abandonment issues.
She recommended using ADs to address the dysthymia. She feels that it's a practical long-term help for that problem and she encouraged me to find the right one for me.
I've never been diagnosed with dysthymia before, although I have been diagnosed with depression and seasonal affective disorder. Symptoms: * Feelings of hopelessness * Insomnia or hypersomnia * Poor concentration or difficulty making decisions * Low energy or fatigue * Low self-esteem * Poor appetite or overeating. * Irritability
Regarding reconciliation, she recommended that I sit down with H in a coffee shop and ask him about where he's at with things and share my distress. She said that after 3 months he should know where he's at with things.
She emphasized how much dealing with our S6's special needs has likely impacted our M negatively. She emphasized the importance of getting help for him.
Her insights and observations rang true for me and I felt that she quickly figured out the big picture of my life. I have mixed feelings about stirring up the stuff from the past though.
A major disappointment is that I have to make a choice between having her as an IC or using her for the coparenting plan...she is not willing to both, I guess for somewhat obvious reasons. I would like to pursue the insights that she has about my personal problems. OTOH, she has unique qualifications to do the coparenting plan for us because she has a background in working with autistic children and her input on creating a coparenting plan that addresses S6's special needs would be incredibly valuable. So I'll have to make that decision before seeing her again.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
