I wouldn't say anything to the OW. She is no friend of yours. All you're coming off as is a hurting, betrayed wife. Nothing more. She has NO morals or values or she would have never involved herself with a M man! No need to preach to her about that. Show her you're the better woman by dealing with your H directly and putting boundaries, with consequences, in place. She'll get hers.. I promise you that.
There were many times I wanted to do the same. the only time I EVER wrote and said anything to the OW, was in response (which is no better) to her reaching out to me.
Hugssssss
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
I honestly do think she has no clue what my h is doing. I think she has no clue we are still in contact and that just because my h is living at his moms doesn't mean we are not married.
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
I honestly do think she has no clue what my h is doing. I think she has no clue we are still in contact and that just because my h is living at his moms doesn't mean we are not married.
No, no, no. Do not contact OW for ANY reason. You give away your power and OW has something to bond with YOUR H over.
I made that mistake early on in my sitch. Sent OW text telling her I was "throwing H out & she could have him". H spent 2 hours sitting in his car, in front of our house, where I could SEE him, 'consoling' that slattern.
Nice bonding moment for the 2 of them. OW is painted as the victim of 'crazy' W and H rushes to protect her. H winds up 'loving' OW more and 'hating' W A LOT more.
Just my $.02.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
I honestly do think she has no clue what my h is doing. I think she has no clue we are still in contact and that just because my h is living at his moms doesn't mean we are not married.
Ruined is right. You have far more to lose by contacting her than you stand to gain.
And if he's not being honest with her, why on Earth would you tell her that? This just means that "relationship" is even more doomed to failure. This is what you want!
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Well I won't lie but back in jan I did try to call her....she never answered the ten or so times I tried to call. This did piss the 24 year old off and my h was furious with me (he was to blame for nothing). claimed he still wanted a d and that my plan to freak her out worked. Mind you though he now denies again that he is communicating with her. But he did eventually come home after he couldn't get her to talk with him, I think it took a month for her to get over it because that Is how long my h was home before he left again ...
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
Well I won't lie but back in jan I did try to call her....she never answered the ten or so times I tried to call.
Why should she?
Originally Posted By: nicole8
This did piss the 24 year old off and my h was furious with me (he was to blame for nothing). claimed he still wanted a d and that my plan to freak her out worked.
Blame is not a zero-sum game; could it be that you were both out of line?
She owes you nothing. She doesn't owe you the courtesy of a phone call, or a reply to an email.
Originally Posted By: nicole8
But he did eventually come home after he couldn't get her to talk with him, I think it took a month for her to get over it because that Is how long my h was home before he left again ...
Out of curiosity, how were things between you and your H for that month?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Well things were going pretty good the month my h was back home...he seemed almost his old self towards the end of the month. I hadn't brought up any relationship talks as I was waiting for the right time....then the ow came back in the picture and the h can't stop communicating and pursuing her.
I am seeing the point that she obviously doesn't care or really have any value on marriage at this point in her life.
I am being dark again starting yesterday evening. My h is really on my last nerve at this point. The saying the person who cares the least has control of the realationship.....is very true. In my case a 24 year old has control of my marriage. I wonder what might happen if I truley "drop the rope" and stop caring.
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
You can break their affair open. I'd present enough information to show that she's a "piece of ass" to your H. Even if you have to fabricate some.
This is a very bad idea. There is nothing to be gained from lying, even for the "best" of intentions.
If either of them figure out what you did, then you set your efforts back that much farther. Why would your H have any reason to come back to a woman who lies and manipulates?
It sounds like nicole's husband is still in contact with her and the OW doesn't like it. That should be enough to scuttle it in the long run.
Last edited by TrentC; 04/14/1011:37 PM.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
