Monk: I think all of your points are very valid. I too have always wondered why a LD spouse can be told that we desire sex in such and such a way, AND THEN THEY NEVER DO THAT. You can tell them till your blue in the face, they respond as though they understand, and THEN NEVER DO ANYTHING. When your spouse KNOWS that you want sex and that you want THEM to initiate it, if they love you, they would do these things. I find it VERY hard to not harbor anger and resentment towards my wife. She has this bizarre concept that since sex is NOT a high priority for her, that she does not really have to do anything. You would think that she would want to do things FOR me because I want them done. I do things for her and the family ALL the time that I don't care to do.
I also wonder why, like my wife, that a LD can have a wonderful orgasmic evening enjoying sex, but then does not desire the sex. How can a person have such a great experience when they have it, yet NEVER DESIRE IT! I would understand if there were physical issues preventing it, but in my wifes case, there are none. Considering how intense her orgasims are, you would think that she would WANT them. Very strange to me.
I am also beginning to think that in many HD/LD relationships that the LD spuose gets enough of the first 4 love languages that they literally don't see a big problem, and even though things may not be great, they get enough to be somewhat satisfied. Now for the HD spouse, they are in the 5th love language, touch. This language seem to be very hard for some LD people so they AVOID IT. Since being LD is SO prevalent, I think that society has CONNED people in to believing the "It's only sex" line. I know my wife has told me this on occassion. You see it all the time on these boards even, and we are the more "ENLIGHTENED" people when it comes to relationships. It's like sex and touch are "lessor" emotional needs. Heck, most LD people probably would even value them even lower as only being "Physical" needs for 1 person. Heck, even some HD people on here have basically given up on their sex lives and yet claim that they can have an acceptbale marriage. Maybe us HD folks are becomming "Enablers", people that enable someone else to keep up a bad habit. We keep feeding the LD people enough love in their love languages to keep a tolerable marriage, while letting them off the hook on the sex side.
Monk, maybe us HD people should do a drastic 180, figure out all the love languages our spouse like, and then CUT THEM OFF. Provide them with no love in any form that they want, just like they do to us. Don't talk to them, don't help around the house, ignore the kids. just stop everything. Act like they and the familiy are not important, like the way we feel when OUR needs are not met.
Unfortunately, I bet the result would be we would be at the curb within 48 hours. Probably not a good 180.
Now that I have vented long enough, I need to keep working on goal #1, try to get my wife to understand how serious this problem is.
