Although there are clearly many reasons for an imbalanced physical relationship, what is the most puzzling aspect is the attitude of many LD Spouses that the touch needs of the HD Spouse are valid and extremely important to the HD Spouse and to the relationship as a whole.
I know in my case, my wife really doesn't believe that it should be that important to me to have a sex life. Her very negative comments to me before and/or after any of our rare encounters clearly indicate that she is bitter that I have touch needs and that she feels obliged to be my partner.
The underlying tone of many other posts, seem to be along the same lines as my situation. When it comes down to it, if the LD spouse loves the HD partner and really believed that their spouse's touch needs were important and valid, wouldn't they try to be accomodating in one way or the other? After all, if the HD spouse's needs in this area are valid and important, what alternatives are there to the HD spouse other than finding another touch partner, suffering or trying to reduce their need to be a sexual being?
I am sure that in most cases, the LD spouse does love his/her partner and perhaps secretly hopes that their HD spouse will eventually become LD. I would also guess that the LD spouse really feels inadequate or guilty about their libido issues and they put up all sorts of defense mechanisms which become more difficult to break down over time because the HD spouse keeps reminding the HD spouse (often in subtle ways) that their needs are not being met.
I hope in my case that I can find a way to convince my wife that my needs are valid and significant. I believe that this could be at the heart of many other similar situations. Cemar, I can really feel your frustration and have great empathy, but you (and I) need to really figure out why there is no willingness to meet your spouse's needs.
