One thing I have read that Michelle said is that there is no telling which marriage will be saved and which will not. She said that in her experience the (apparently) most hopeless Ms had been saved, while sometimes those that appeared less bad had not. Generalizing in these situations is not often helpful. The most unpromising situations can work out well. A man can walk on the moon. Let's not get negative here, it's not over til the fat lady sings.
Monk although your sitch seems bad I can see a lot of hopeful signs. Most important you have a good r and that will help you alot. Your wife recognises there is a problem and she would like to help (if it were easy enough). There is a physical explanation that may or may not bear results if you look into it. Your W finds sex uncomfortable at present. Well this can be solved and it is pretty understandable that this might put her off even more. So already here are quite a few things you can work on.
One suggestion I do have is that you might go along with her to the Dr. It can be horrible going to the Dr about such intimate problems and I think it might make her feel better if you went with her and shared the embarrasment. Perhaps you could discuss the true dangers of HRT vs the benefits, other options and alternative therapies such as chinese medicine and acupuncture.
What I said to my H re divorce is that I would never choose to have a divorce over this issue, but I am concerned that if it continues indefinately I may make some kind of foolish mistake. I think what you need to get across to her is that what you need is her support in resolving this issue. Would she support you if you were ill, or had got made redundant or whatever? Of course- so why won't she support you in this. It is not a question of her having to do something she doesn't want to, it's about working together to find a way to make both of you happy and satisfied. That is a true compromise.
