Surviving & Thriving

[sandycay]

It's final ~ I am now officially Ms. Sandycay!

I haven't heard from EX since we signed on Friday. He has called 10 times and never left a message and has not contacted the kids since last Wednesday. I guess it is not important.

5 days shy of our 19th anniversary. Emotions are weird... not sad.... about him anymore....had years to grieve that....sad about the loss of the family unit..... but we were not that.

We were broken as a family.... so much tension, stress and hostility from him that we ALL turned on each other. Now, that he is out of the equation.... we are always laughing till our bellies hurt, doing stupid, silly stuff. Not caring about the silly things that life throws our way.

In a nutshell, his number showed up on our caller id again last night and D saw it and said, "Yech, he called"? Those are their feelings... I have alwas stepped in and said don't be disrespectful and mean to your dad. I won't be taking up for his actions anymore and I won't be forcing my kids to like someone who has so little disregard for them. I will never say anything negative about their dad in front of them.

I never have. If they ask question I will tell the truth.

I hope he wakes up and becomes the dad my wonderful kids deserve but if he doesn't that's ok because I'm one hell of a good mom and have raised two great kids (practically on my own) I will not let him take that away. All I have to do is listen to their laughter and their sillies and know no~one will EVER tell my children to stop laughing again because it's too much noise.

I am at peace and I will be forever grateful for my EX who is a very generous man with his money, and that he is providing a wonderful home and not much of a change in lifestyle for the children and me. He did not have to do that, but he did. He chose to do that. That's the man I have known for 19 years. I am feeling blessed and grateful for the memories ... good and bad (they made me a better person).

Thanks for the hand holding especially during the reconcillation phase there were a lot of dark cloud days during those 18 months.

I have survived and thrived!

[Babygirl]

I am happy for you!!! You have been so strong for yourself, your children and so many of us here!!! here's a toast to your new life!!!!

[smith18]

I assume that your plans of moving back to Florida are out the window now that FFG is in the picture. Being a NW native, I am a bit biased and cannot imagine living anywhere else (well maybe Alaska or Hawaii).

[BobbiJo]

Good deal, Sandycay...

I share a lot of the same feelings...

And it is a blessing for those of us who won't be struggling financially as a result of the D. I actually had that realization last night...after mowing I was looking out over my back yard and realized that if my H was not going over and above the $$ that the law required I would prob not be able to keep my house...so there are some positives...

Too bad your kids feel that way about their dad, but I don't blame them. He dug his own hole and he will have to choose to climb out of it if he ever wants a positive relationship with them again.

[sandycay]

I assume that your plans of moving back to Florida are out the window now that FFG is in the picture. Being a NW native, I am a bit biased and cannot imagine living anywhere else (well maybe Alaska or Hawaii).

Ah Kerry, nothing goes unnoticed by you does it? I don't know frankly what to do. I have S who will be a junior, we ARE able to stay in the house,and to be honest too FFG does throw a wrench into it all. My kids don't want to go to Florida, but I could make them of course. It's a hard one, but I know I can always move once the kids get grown.

I hate to make a life decision based on someone else. He obviously does not want me to go. I don't want to leave him, really. I do love Florida, but here he is native to the PNW and his family and kids are here. There is talk of future plans but nothing anytime soon. I will not marry someone again until I am finished with school and employable. Because to be married again would mean my maintenance support would go away, I would have to sell the house, and what IF he turned out to be a loser.(wonder if that will ever go away)... then the kids and I would have nothing. So, I will not jepordize my children that way.

I have five years of maintenance support to become employable so I will use it wisely and if I become employable by year 3 then I will bank the money for the kids college and suprise ExH. That way we won't be so in the hole for their tuition.

I'm not looking into the future, I am enjoying today because today is happiness. I can't change the future so why ruin a happy day in front of me worrying about it. I guess if the timing was right to move to FL I would feel it and do it. I may have to just vacation there or somewhere similiar.

[BobbiJo]

Just throwing this out there...

My IC told me that I should continue making goals for myself even if they don't happen for a while...she said this after I told her how much I had enjoyed living other places (particularly St. Louis and Pasadena)...

Anyway she said that the time while the kids were going through school and growing up was a time to make sure they were getting what they needed, but once they were grown I should live where and how I want to live...just to delay the plans a bit...hope that makes sense.

Yes FFG is a wrinkle in the Florida plan, but you don't have to decide on anything today. Like you said, continue your education and making yourself employable. By the time your maintenance runs out won't your youngest be just about graduated? Then you can decide where you want to live, and who you want to live with!

[sandycay]

Yep, last payment Dec 1, 2014. Which exh reminded of when I ask him yesterday for the 10th time when he was going to get his belongings, including a 17ft boat that sits in the third bay of my garage. That was his answer Dec 1, 2014.

He seems to have the impression that he is paying for this storage unit here so he has a right to it. To bad he deeded the house to ME!

[Virtually_Handsome]

Just might have to tell him you are going to sell it if it's not out in, I dunno, a month!

[sandycay]

I can't sell it. He got it in the decree.. the problem is he will be leaving town soon for more than a month and I want to clean the garage out!

I can tell him I will put all of his belongings in it and drive it to a parking lot and just leave it there. Not in my name. Really how hard is it to call a storage place. He can park the boat on the base for a nominal fee. He just doesn't want to do it.

[Virtually_Handsome]

Hmmmm, perhaps it could use a few new holes!

I'm just feeling evil!

Tell him you bought a new drill, and you are going to test it on the hull of the boat!