Eric, I have appreciated all the advice you have given me. And I want you to know that I also learn by reading about your own situation. I am happy that you are moving toward focusing on you. And I have no idea what you look like, but I loved the part about you being the "same handsome, sexy chap."
While reading you talk about living in your family room, I had one of those light bulb moments realizing that I had actually been living like that for a couple of years. We slept in the same bed, but we were more like roommates. And, now I remember actually saying that to h on more than one occasion.
So, I've been in this MLC hell for a while now. And while that may seem like bad news to some people, it actually gives me some comfort. Because for the first time I realize I have been dealing with my husbands MLC for a while and this is just one of the worst parts of it. And, I also realize that some women would have already taken a hike by now, so I must be stronger than I give myself credit for!
As for whether you should let your wife know if she looks good, I would approach that as you would anyone else you know. If you are the kind of person who easily gives compliments to others then I see no reason why you wouldn't tell your wife when she looks nice. IMO that just shows you are paying attention to her and are being nice. Of course, it would send an entirely different message if you said "Wow, you look hot!" instead of simply you look nice today. That would definitely give her the wrong impression!
The best advice I received from someone when I told them I needed to find myself was this. He said well, of course you are having a difficult time with that because you have been married almost twice as long as you were single. And, you have changed as a person, not just as a wife, over that period of time. So, he told me not to try to just pick up from where I was way back then, but to just start moving forward and see what happens. That makes more sense to me than actually trying to "find myself".
It sounds to me like you are doing great. As my daughter likes to tell me....think about a duck paddling in the water. They look like they're just gliding along when they are paddling their little feet a mile a minute! So, now my daughter will look at me when I have that blank look on my face and say, "Mom, just keep swimming, just keep swimming!" That daughter of mine is pretty smart.
