WAW and me in 11th hour!!!!

[Ken62]

she's going to tell you the same thing, man you're stubborn!

Hi robx,

Yes, I am but read my latest post and you will see that I am moving on and yes I truly believe that I am.

Thanks for the 2x4s!

[Ken62]

To answer some of Robx's questions. We have been separated for 5 months with her living in the apartment for the last 3. We have not been intimate within those five months and her EA with OM just became a PA last week (I believe) when he came to visit her for Easter/my BD.

- question, can she move out faster?
1-2 months is a long time to be sharing a home with someone who just cheated on you with another man, how do you stomach it?

Bring home some boxes,
offer to help her pack and move out quicker than she had planned. If she asks what the rush is about, tell her it's time for you to enjoy the single life and smile at her and don't mention anything else, no conversation, let her continue to ask questions and just smile and tell her, "don't worry about it, it's not your problem anymore"

Consequences for her actions.
She cheats, she doesn't get to live with you.
Let her live with her friends that are supportive of her and the OM. Let her live with the family that is supportive of her and the OM, she doesn't have to live with you during these next 2 months.

She's not living with me. I am in the house and she is in an apartment by herself.

[Ken62]

Ken,

I'm glad you decided to finally stand up for yourself, but it probably wasn't the best idea to demonstrate your newfound strengh via a text message.

This should have been delivered to her verbally, IN PERSON.

Puppy

Agreed Puppy and I'm sure that is what she is thinking as well. She may label me a coward but I wanted to make sure that I got the wording correct without the added stress of seeing her. Not sure when I'll see her again or whether she will want to talk aout it or not. I'm working on sticking up for myself and this too will be a work in progress.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm the way, Ken -- love e-mail, and also over-rely on it myself.

A better way, in the future, is to write yourself out a SCRIPT, and PRACTICE it, ahead of time (out loud, if possible), until you've got it down. Also, you can always FOLLOW UP with an e-mail, after the in-person conversation, to clarify, backtrack, expand upon, etc., any points.

Not a huge deal -- at least you drew the line. Kudos.

Puppy

[robx]

[quote=Puppy Dog Tails]Ken,

I'm glad you decided to finally stand up for yourself, but it probably wasn't the best idea to demonstrate your newfound strengh via a text message.

This should have been delivered to her verbally, IN PERSON.

Puppy

so when do you start dating?
nothing says "moving on" more than dating other people.

Agreed Puppy and I'm sure that is what she is thinking as well. She may label me a coward but I wanted to make sure that I got the wording correct without the added stress of seeing her. Not sure when I'll see her again or whether she will want to talk aout it or not. I'm working on sticking up for myself and this too will be a work in progress.

[Ken62]

so when do you start dating?
nothing says "moving on" more than dating other people.

Had the younger woman (20 years yonger) from the show over last night for dinner and watching TV and we are going to go and usher a show tonight and stay and watch it. W may even be there ushering as well but I'm not sure.

Going to an acoustic concert by John Oates (of Hall & Oates) on Saturday night with another woman.

Have tickets for another show that I will invite someone to in the next few weeks. I'll also have a get together of several of the cast members of our previous show next Saturday as well.

I'm working on it rob!

[robx]

GOOD!

[Ken62]

Had a great time with younger woman last night and really enjoyed the show. Even though she is 20+ years younger than I am she has gone through D in her family and knows a lot more about it than me and calls me on my sh!t and helps me to see what I should be doing as far as boundaries and other things with W. Called her later and we talked for about an hour.

Still no word from W and that is fine. She is picking up S24 at the airport shortly and he is going to a show tonight while I have choir practice. D20 and D19 should be joining us tomorrow night and the four of us will hopefully go out to dinner. We still need to celebrate S24 BD and mine too.

Got a call today from a director friend looking to replace someone in a show that is not working out. The show opens next weekend and with my kids all being in town this weekend I had to turn him down because my kids come first. It felt good to do that because in the past I'm not sure if I would have. I possibly would have felt insecure about myself and felt flattered that someone was asking me to step in and possibly had put my kids second but not anymore. I know how important my kids are to me and how much I owe them for the support that they have given me over the past year. I am a Dad first!

[sandi2]

Sandi,

I really would like to hear your stance on this.

Ken

Are you refering to the WAW's lack of respect for her H?

I feel like I say this so often and can't keep up with who I have already told, so you may see some repeating.

Anyway, the way we women are wired, we can't feel attracted to a man who we can use like a doormat. We can't be sexually attracted to our H if we cannot respect him. If there was a list of requirements for husbands, respect would be at the top.

When I speak of respect, I am talking about a regular guy who has the spunk and self-esteem not to allow his W to talk down to him, take advantage of his good nature, treat him like dirt, etc. You see, he does not have to do a crime or anything like that, in order for her to lose respect. Neither does he have to treat her badly in order to get respect.

The most common trait that I have observed is a passive man who is seen by everyone as a really "nice guy", but he never stands up to his W or call her out about her bad behavior. He just hopes that one day she will see what a wonderful person he is and will start treating him better. In the meantime, he doesn't understand why she doesn't want to have more sex. It's b/c she has lost respect and admiration for him and he is not attractive to her.

Your W doesn't want a BFF in her H, she already has friends! She wants a lover. But she won't see you as being that sexy, confident lover if she wraps you around her little finger. Some women get to the place that they actually bully the H...and he just keeps taking it.

If she puts on a sad face, you try to make her feel better. You talk to her for hours on end...and even about OM. That does not show her a strong man who is confident in who he is. That does not show her a man she can't have. The truth is that your W knows she calls the shots. She knows that if she decided to go back home tonight, you would welcome her back and probably without asking too many questions. She needs to feel that her chances of getting you back are slim to none. She needs to see you moving on without her and having a good life. She needs to stop hearing from you! She needs to stop seeing that you are concerned about her or what she does. She "needs" for you to stop being a nice guy with her.

Your W is trying to find a man who is stronger than she is! You have not been that man for her. She is in & out of A's b/c she is seeking that person who will keep her in line (without abuse) and she will admire him for being the man he is. Oh, she will test him to see how much she can get away with, and the the more she gets away with....the less she will want him. That is why a lot of young women are drawn to the "bad boy" image.

So what you see as being a nice man....is probably you being a passive man. That is not attractive to her.

You have done a lot of talk about NC, but you still email her. Now you have told her you are moving on. So....cut the emails, etc. Don't be available and don't try to set up dates hoping your W will see you out with the date.

[Ken62]

Thanks for that Sandi, it was very helpful.

You will be happy to know that it has been over 5 days with NC of any kind and that is from me to her and from her to me.

I had a wonderful weekend with my kids who were all home for the first time since last May before all of this blew up. We went out to dinner on Friday night and then went shopping for S24 BD present.

I went to go see Avatar with younger woman for the midnight show because I hadn't seen it. Kids didn't want to go because they had all seen it so S24 told me to ask younger woman because he didn't want me to go alone.

Saturday the kids spent with their mom up in the mountains and had a good time but kept it light and fluffy with W (just the way she likes it). They said that she was crying off and on on the drive up.

Saturday night went to the John Oates (of Hall & Oates) concert with another lady friend of mine and it was great.

Sunday started out with me cantoring at mass and then me and the kids went to the Indoor Skydiving place where I had a certificate I needed to use. We then went out to eat and later D20 and D19 headed back to school and S24 and I went to go see How to Train Your Dragon which was a wonderful father and son movie. S24 had already seen it but thought that it was such a good father and son movie that he went again with me.

Lady friend from the John Oates concert had coffee with W on Sunday and I haven't heard the full story but she did say that she listened a lot and bit her tongue a lot and that W sees her self as the victim in all of this.

Today S24 and I had lunch with his godfather and that is about all.

I feel really detached from W and don't really care if I hear from her or not. I will certainly NOT make the first contact. I have planned a BBQ and movie night for Saturday with some of the cast from this past show so that should be fun. S24 leaves on Wednesday morning.

That's all for now.