Allen, hope you don’t mind me posting your advice to 4luv here. It just really struck me that I have almost been here before but keep fighting the feeling as I feel as if I need to be the BBD for a bit before letting my “had enough” emotions get to me.
Interesting too that H has been very darkly angry at me a few times when he discovered I hadn’t told him everything and twice has said “it seems you have some secrets from me as well.” In almost an evil tone of voice…
He REALLY didn’t like it when I surprised him like that. However, him not liking something does not equate to doing something that is working to bring us back together, so I’ve been really mulling this one over for a while.
OK, I had this exact question/sitaution hurled at me by my wife. I made the following points :
1. You keep secrets to covertly DESTROY our marriage 2. I keep secrets to covertly PROTECT and ENHANCE our marriage. 3. Your secrets hurt people and drive them away 4. My secrets rally people to help us
Secretkeeping is fine if the result is a good thing... birthdayparties, xmas presents, etc... these ARE secrets, but they aren't HURTING ANYONE
My wife pointed out that her privacy was violated and she was hurt by being lied to.
I told her I knew she was telling OM all about our relationsihp problems and violating MY privacy, and she was hurting me by lying to me and her friends as well.
Your husband has NO LEG to stand on here... don't even put your marriage saving oeprations on the same LEVEL as the sociopathic mind games he's been playing.. they are totally different.
Your act was to help protect others, his was to hurt people. This is like complaining to a cop becuase he had to fire his gun...
Self Defence argument works well here.
Just say "I had to protect myself and our children - if you don't like it that's too damn bad... they are YOUR KIDS... it should be YOU WORKING WITH ME to PROTECT THEM.. DAD!"
