Good questions both, and I'll give 'em my best shot (btw, you're getting some great advice here so hang in there and take what works best for YOU).
1) If in fact we D, I'll "move on" (which I've already been doing) as far as wondering and worrying about what may happen, BUT I'll be watching what happens. Will she really focus on herself and not be dating? That's what she said she wants to do after our D - grow and become "whole." Not your usual sitch around here where generally, the WAS is running off to be with the OP. I guess for me, it'll be waiting to see if there really isn't an OP or a desire on her part to have an OP right away. So, its wait and see.
2) I'll want to try even after the D so long as my heart feels that there's a chance she'd want to be married to me again. But as I said once a while ago on my thread, I think the odds are stacked against me feeling that way after the D goes through. That's why I've been fighting so hard for my M now. Couple of reasons I feel that way (even though I fight hard for my D3's sake too): Once the D is final, it's as if a real line of trust was crossed - the one where "for better or worse" was really walked away from... If they can do it once, what's to say they won't do it again (that's why second M divorce rates are higer than those for 1st Ms). Also, I will likely have detached to the point where I wouldn't want to take her back and take that chance again. You see that all over this bb where the LBS finally has had enough and goes off themselves in search of something better. That's why they fight hard at first - b/c they know at some point it will become a "lost cause" and consequences will have to be faced. BUT, if my heart speaks to me in the way that I'll need it to, to reconsider, AND she agrees to counseling together (and hopefully on her own), then I might give it another shot (even though I know my friends and family would want to beat me if I chose that).
So, maybe as you tell, the odds are stacked against my own reconciliation after a D - but if holding on to that gets you through your sitch, then do what you have to do. I'm just trying to deal with my reality, not a fantasy.
