Need a Plan for My Marriage

[DaddyLongShanks]

It seems that I do not see any results from anything I do. It just seems to go from bad to worse. I guess I am not do this whole DBing thing very well. I guess it does not always work for everyone. I am still working on myself within the confines of my sitch. It is does make it easy to follow everything I have been learning here.

LSG,

Some times when us betrayeds are making analysis like you are, we are suffering from "analysis paralisys". It also means we are being affected too much by the situation. Maybe we should back way off and focus on GAL, like as a huge priority. Finding many things to do outside and away from the primary residence, things we have fun and take pleasure and satisfaction in. That we do it, not to show a stronger image to the WAS, but for ourself. In the end we need to not be mentally concerned about the image to the WAS, but simply take care of our self and treat ourself well. If they will come back, they will come back.

[idontunderstand]

I feel the same from time to time,LSG. It is impossible to understand what is going on in the head of someone who bore you children and who you trusted with your life. Same here.

My kids are the most important thing to me as well. I know if we D, they will be OK. Not as good as if in an intact home, but I will do my best to make them know how much I love and treasure them. It is heartbreaking, but it is the hand we have been dealt.

Now, as hard as it is, work on GAL and other things to take your mind off of the whole sitch as much as possible. I know it is always there but you can find a way to bury it for a little while at a time. We have to do this or we will go crazy. I have HBP and make sure and take my meds. If you're having nose bleeds, well, you know that can't be good. And even though, at times, I wish I was dead, away from all the hurt and pain, I know that is not the answer. Our kids need us. They need us strong and supportive for them and what they are and will be going through.

You can do this. You have to!

[LSG]

Hi DaddyLongShanks,

I appreciate you helping with my sitch.

It just seems so hopeless sometimes. I think she is on the phone now with her parents planning a divorce from me. I am sure financially they will help and her work has lifecare, so I have a fight for the kids that I do not know if I can win. I also do not have a job.

It is hard to work on myself when I have so many obstacles in my path. It is not impossible because I have made changes, but I they are not as much I would like to.

You are right I am very much affected by the situation, and I do not know how not to be. It is very frustrating to be limited on resources to do anything to protect, my kids, my family and even her from this predator that is destroying my family.

I remain as strong as possible, but I do not know if it is enough. I would like to GAL more, but she is gone from 8 to 8 everyday, and the kids need me to be there for them. I do my best to get a life by talking to friends on the phone and talking to friends like you here and other that have been very helpful and insightful.

If she come backs, she come back, and you could not be more right.

Thanks for posting very much!!!

[LSG]

Hi idontunderstand,

I identify with you so much and your sitch.

It makes me feel like I am not alone when I am in such a lonely place in my life with very little support. I have buried this sitch a few time, but it is ever present, and I just want to feel the joy of life so much. I am doing my best.

I know the nose bleeds are not good, and I did not have as many today. Also, I do intend to be there for my kids for a very long time. I do not plan to let her take them and everything from me. She has taken so much already. I have to take back my like. It is not hers to take.

I was so happy to have you and everyone show me so much support that I really need. I have to be strong at this time!!!

How can set up more boundaries in my marriage? Do you have any ideas? What are some ways?

Is there any legal consequences to exposing the relationship to the OMW?

Just curious.

Again thank you!!!

[LSG]

Wife and I don't talk really at all these days. I am wondering if I have detached too much and have made my 180 in that area too strong. I use to show all emotion and compliment her all the time. Now we do not communicate. Am I missing something?

All the advice was new when I came, and I was not receptive as I should be. I need to begin again now that I am totally ready to do it right this time.

Let the DBing begin. It is not too late for me to get it!!!

Please give any and all advice because I am ready for it and will get it and will do it.

[LSG]

Son pee'd the bed, so I was changing him and changing the sheets on his bed, and then W came in and starts trying to make everything right by taking a big blanket out and telling me that what I am doing is not enough. I got irritated and told her "why is she trying to change what I am doing. She said, "it was cold." I told her I know and I am taking care of it, so please let me do it. She gave me a bad look and left.

I did not mean to get mad, but I just could not keep it in. I guess I should not have done that. Oh, well. I just find it real great that she spends time with this OM, and then she comes home and wants to try be a mommy when she would rather be away with the OM. If she could be here without the affair, maybe I would not have thought about it. It just went through my mind at the time. I resented her doing it because I was taking care of my son and him peeing his bed just fine.

I guess I made a mistake or was just being human. I don't know at this point?

Anyways, I cannot wait for a new day!!!

[LSG]

I just wanted to say that I was so glad that wife finally went to sleep. I wish it had been sooner.

I have a feeling that she wants her mom to come from Japan to take care of the kids for 3 months. I do not want her family involved in anyway. I have a feeling that she is trying to get the kids to go live with her parents in Japan. Not going to happen!!!

[gucci loafer]

Please give any and all advice because I am ready for it and will get it and will do it.

"Wife, I have been doing some thinking and here is what I have decided. This isn't working and I want us to separate. I want you to find another place to live. I want you out of here by the first of May. I don't know what I have been thinking and why I have allowed you to have an affair right under my nose while still allowing you to stay in this house. I have decided that I am no longer going to allow that."


That is it. That is your answer. By living together hoping things will change is making you look very very weak. Women are not attracted to weak men. Be strong. Take a strong stance. Much better results.

[Surviving03]

Yup... gucci knows what he is talking about. It is your only logical option.

[LSG]

Hi Gucci loafer,

What are the possible outcomes of saying that to her? Will this work when I only have a part-time temporary position?

Will this work in my case?

Just give me a little more of what to expect and how I can execute this plan for my sitch.

Thanks!!