Start dating. She filed divorce papers and only comes over for sex. That's reality, she is telling you loud & clear that she doesn't want a real relationship with you, so agree with her and tell her that the sex will stop also because you've recently met someone and you don't want to be having sex with your wife while you are starting a new relationship with another woman.
Tell her straight, "...you had your chance and you chose to have an affair with another man, I stuck in there as long as possible hoping you would eventually change your mind but all you're doing now is coming over sex and having a good time at my expense, I don't know how often you see the OM and how often this happens with him, I don't want to share a woman with another man and since you can't make a decision to turn this marriage around I'll make the decision for you. We can't have sex anymore, we'll go through with the divorce and I'm looking forward to a possible new relationship with this new woman I just met."
And leave it at that.
Let her do the rest of the work after that, and if she doesn't, seriously BJ, it's time for you to move on, observe reality, if she doesn't want you, she doesn't want you, no amount of hanging in there and being a great guy who gives her sex when the OM isn't in the picture isn't enough for you, it wouldn't be enough for most real men. Time to see this for what it is and move on. You can handle it.
Rob,
This is what I need to do. It goes against what my brain is telling me and that is why I have to do it.
I'm afraid if I do this it will truly be the end. I know I shouldn't be, I have to be strong. I wish life had prepared me better for this.
Do I dismiss all the other none sex related kisses, hugs, cuddling, hand holding relationship stuff? Chalk it up to foreplay or filler. She wanted me just hold her one day instead of sex right away. Mean anything?
Do I have to play the "new women" card if I'm not seeing anyone? Won't my W see right through it? I will be attacking her biggest insecurities. That's what she did to me, huh.
I've hinted to the fact other women have expressed interest in me. We joke about "my other girlfriends". Even last night we opened a big bottle of wine we couldn't finish. I asked her what I should do with the rest and she said save it for your other girlfriend.
She drops those little girlfriend digs all the time. Is she trying to see if I really am seeing someone?
I could go the with the flip side, she wants me to be with someone so she doesn't feel guilty.
Is that why I need to play the seeing someone new card?
The great sex we're having right now is clouding my judgment. In the back of mind a small part of me wants to believe the sex will fix everything. I can see how sex can be seen as a bad thing during this time. And that is why it has to stop.
