Bar is Open come on in!

[Gardener]

Buffet,

***that leaves out alot of stuff that is in my other threads but my XW has been particularly cruel saying things about my deceased father, sending her dad over to threaten to kill me, walking out of the 1st and only MC session and calling the therapist a fraud, nearly getting fired from her job for performance and attitude issues, taking S2 out to OM house and staying out until 2:00-3:00 in the morning with him, bad mouthing me to our friends and family with mixed results to say the least, a mis carriage with OM back in January, and now even though D was just final about a week ago (dont even have decree back in the mail yet) her and OM are trying to conceive again!

As I have said in my sitch -and my IC said just about the same thing: 1) My dear ex-friend/ex-Wife is headed for a big inevitable fall!

In many many ways I will be better off--so I am told!

and, 2) That I will be just fine, eventually. I believe those two predictions/parallels will prove to be the case in your life, too.

I just cant shake the initial sadness and loss and fear of being alone that I have. I have dreams in this life and those dreams have at least temporarily been shattered. And they have been shattered by the person that I was supposed to be able to trust most in the world.

And that, my friend, perfectly sums up the trauma of the shattered LBS. Get a copy of The Journey From Abandonment To Healing by Susan Anderson. She's been working with abandoned husbands exclusively for 25 years and she has much common sense, validation, advice and comfort to offer. Best book I've gotten in the almost-year i've been here. The very first stage the abandoned spouse goes through per: Anderson's experience? Shattering!

I need to be able to take a couple of steps forward to know that I will be ok but I really am struggling with taking those steps. And I am incredibly sad for my S2--this is not his fault but in reality he will suffer the most thru all of this, and for what reason---mommy decided to break her vows and throw her marriage away for a man who is 15 years older and willing to leave his W and their S4 behind for her??!!

Make those steps forward as the his Dad, the one dependable parent he has. With that as your priority, he -and you- will be fine. Keep your eye on the kind of man you're going to raise.

Some things I dont get now and I doubt I ever will.....

Sadly, you're right. You'll never "get them", you'll never get answers to those dozens of questions lingering in your head and dangling in mid air. This has been the hardest part for me to come to terms with, to accept: the many, many things about which I will never know the "WHY?"
Still working on that one. frustrates the hell out of me.
Stay strong. For your son.