My H and I went to Retrouvaille approximately a month after his affair ended. He was not sure he wanted to reconcile when we walked in the door, and neither was I. The realization that we wanted to reconcile came during the weekend. It was mutual, and with the help of the Retrouvaille people and the program, we were able to do it. If you could get him to commit to a Retrouvaille weekend with you, it would be a huge step. They will lead him to the remorsefulness. My H didn't have any remorse going into the weekend. But when he heard the other couples' stories, he understood how painful an affair is. It was so much better for him to hear it from other people than from me! He apologized very genuinely for the first time at the weekend. And as we grew closer in the following months, he apologized again. It is like peeling an onion as the understanding of the ramifications of the affair sink in. Your H probably only has the vaguest sense that the affair was a bad idea at this point.
